Nation’s White Dads Announce Plan to Chop Some Shit Up on Father’s Day
Immediately following a trip to Ace Hardware to get their barbecue propane tanks refilled, today the nation’s white dads announced their plan during a...
Bainbridge Island Adds ‘Everyone Is Welcome Here’ Sign to 90-Foot Wall Keeping Poors Out
In a show of how much better they are than those awful people in Seattle’s Laurelhurst neighborhood, today Bainbridge Island added an “Everyone Is...
Trump Signs Executive Order Allowing US Men’s World Cup Team to Use Guns
In anticipation of the USA’s World Cup match in Seattle against heavily favored Australia today President Donald Trump signed an Executive Order allowing the...
Socialist Exiled from D&D Group After Trying to Split Party Again
After eight months of gaming session, local socialist Alex Raymond is once again looking for a new Dungeons & Dragons group because his attempts...
Laurelhurst Airlifted One Mile from Seattle Children’s into Lake Washington
To keep Laurelhurst residents from ever having to hear helicopters transporting sick kids directly to the hospital, today the entire community was airlifted to...
$18M Laurelhurst Mansion Owner Just Wishes There Was Some Way to Not Live Next to Noisy Hospital
After people across the nation shamed his neighborhood out of blocking helicopters carrying sick kids from landing at Seattle Children’s, today $18 million waterfront...
Report: Laurelhurst Residents Blocking Helicopter Landings at Seattle Children’s Ain’t Heard Shit Yet
A new report confirmed today that Laurelhurst residents blocking helicopters carrying kids in critical condition from landing directly at Seattle Children’s hospital because they’re...
Mount Baker Station Celebrates Opening of New Park & Ride to Psychiatrist
After years of having absolutely no parking, today Sound Transit’s Mount Baker Station celebrated the opening of its new one-of-a-kind one-stall Park and Ride...
Sun-drunk Seattleite Accidentally Says ‘Hello’ to Stranger
In an embarrassing lapse of character, today a Seattle man who clearly had one too many hours out in the sunshine accidentally said “hello”...
‘White Female Mamdani’ Mayor of Seattle Caught Blowing Taxpayer Money on Personal Limousine
Fury took over the city of Seattle this week after its “White Female Mamdani” mayor, Katie Wilson, was caught blowing precious taxpayer dollars on...
