After eight months of gaming session, local socialist Alex Raymond is once again looking for a new Dungeons & Dragons group because his attempts to split the party of magic-focused adventurers failed in an ill-fated attempt to defeat a powerful enemy.
“It was one thing when he was just shoehorning Brennan Lee Mulligan references into the game,” said beleaguered player and former friend Evelyn Tirol. “But after having to re-roll our characters for the third time just because Alex decided our campaign ‘reeked of revisionism’—whatever that means—we decided enough is enough.”
Fellow adventurer and game night host Evan Chu expressed his own frustrations.
“We had one fucking shot at taking down Vecna the Arch-Lich and all he had to do was roll three dice,” said Chu. “What does that Trot bastard do? Convinces our cleric that Evelyn and I were tools of imperialism and fucks off right before that undead prick destroyed us.”
Raymond, for his part, remains unrepentant.
“I don’t see what all the fuss is about,” said Raymond. “If the party isn’t adopting my preferred means of fighting the big bad evil guy, then I have every right to abandon the rest of them to try doing it on my own.”
(Editor’s note: Despite our best attempts to decline, Raymond tried to sell our reporter a newspaper twice while writing this story.)
