To keep Laurelhurst residents from ever having to hear helicopters transporting sick kids directly to the hospital, today the entire community was airlifted to permanent safety one mile away from Seattle Children’s into Lake Washington.
“We take seriously the concerns of Laurelhurst residents worried about what frequent helicopter noises could do to their health and weekend barbeques,” said Seattle Children’s ICU Dr. Christine Shields. “So instead of maybe hearing 3-4 Life Flights a week, they’ll just hear a helicopter this one last time before every sound is forever pleasantly muffled by the soothing waves of Lake Washington.”
Although some Laurelhurst residents took issue with being airlifted a mile away from where they’d rather be on waterfront land where they allegedly would be safer and stand greater chances of survival, doctors assured community members that one mile hardly makes a difference between life and death.
“It’s one mile—who cares?” Dr. Shields said as a helicopter plopped the community into a lake so deep engineers have only dared to build floating bridges across it. “They all went to schools with water polo teams—they’ll be fine, and more importantly, safe from all the selfish kids who want to be sky-cheuferred straight to the hospital just because their little lives are on the line.”
At press time, Queen Anne residents fighting the city’s removal of street parking so that firetrucks can drive through the neighborhood were also being airlifted to safety one mile away into the Puget Sound.
