Zuckerberg Superyacht Ignores Distress Call from Boat That Saw Naked, Sunblock-Slathered Zuckerberg
Mark Zuckerberg’s superyacht once again this week ignored a distress call from a nearby boat calling to report potentially permanent blindness of everyone aboard...
Lime Abandons Disastrous E-Unicycle Sharing Program
Today Lime officially abandoned its ill-fated e-unicycle sharing pilot program in Seattle and will not be expanding to other cities, citing “more cracked skulls...
Sound Transit Threatens to Unleash Dark Rail If Riders Keep Ignoring Posted Warnings
Today local public transit authority Sound Transit officials said that if light rail riders keep ignoring posted warning signs about standing at a safe...
Inexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming Police Knew How to Do Their Job
Amid questions about what communication errors led to the public waiting so long for accurate public safety updates after the Seattle Center shooting last...
Seattle Police Chief Assures City He Commutes Back to Chicago to See Wife, Kids as Little as Possible
After widespread reports that he isn’t even in the city most of the year because of how frequently he commutes back to his home...
SPD Wondering What’s Taking Mayor Katie Wilson So Long to Find Second Shooting Suspect
Two days after a tragic shooting that killed three people at Seattle Center, Seattle Police Department officials say confusion and questions continue to swirl...
WSDOT Opens Single Occupancy Lanes for Cybertrucks
Dangerously single male Cybertruck drivers now have their own single-occupancy “X Lanes” to quickly connect them from their solitary tech-bro jobs to their empty...
Some Asshole Still Setting Off Blue Angels
Several days after Seafair ended, some asshole is reportedly still setting off Blue Angels over your neighborhood.
“God, I usually try to be understanding of...
Local Woman Just Thinks Flaming Forest Could Find More Peaceful Way to Protest Climate Change
Although she totally believes global warming is an immediate existential threat to many, local woman Sherry Hayes said she thinks forests could protest climate...
Experts Find Smoking Filtered Cigarettes Reduces Risk of Breathing Seattle’s Air
A new public health study out today found that smoking filtered cigarettes significantly reduces the risks of directly inhaling air in Seattle.
“In addition to...
