Inexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming Police Knew How to Do Their Job
Amid questions about what communication errors led to the public waiting so long for accurate public safety updates after the Seattle Center shooting last...
Seattle Police Chief Assures City He Commutes Back to Chicago to See Wife, Kids as Little as Possible
After widespread reports that he isn’t even in the city most of the year because of how frequently he commutes back to his home...
SPD Wondering What’s Taking Mayor Katie Wilson So Long to Find Second Shooting Suspect
Two days after a tragic shooting that killed three people at Seattle Center, Seattle Police Department officials say confusion and questions continue to swirl...
Local Woman Just Thinks Flaming Forest Could Find More Peaceful Way to Protest Climate Change
Although she totally believes global warming is an immediate existential threat to many, local woman Sherry Hayes said she thinks forests could protest climate...
Experts Find Smoking Filtered Cigarettes Reduces Risk of Breathing Seattle’s Air
A new public health study out today found that smoking filtered cigarettes significantly reduces the risks of directly inhaling air in Seattle.
“In addition to...
Next Seattle Police Chief Already Fired
Today Mayor Katie Wilson announced she’s already fired Seattle’s next police chief after he somehow teargassed Capitol Hill, deleted public records, hired someone to...
Despite Striking Resemblance, Green Lake Confirms No Relation to D.C. Reflecting Pool
After people all over the city couldn’t resist asking once noticing their remarkable resemblance, today Seattle’s Green Lake confirmed there is no relation between...
Crazy Socialist Mayor of Seattle Says Cars Not Allowed to Drive on ‘Trains-Only’ Train Tracks
As if Seattle’s crazed socialist mayor hadn’t oppressed the city’s car drivers enough already with new bus-only lanes for her Route 8 stretch limo,...
Fuck! Starbucks Agrees to All Union Demands and Now We Have to Drink Their Coffee Again
In supposedly fortunate news after years of union-busting, Starbucks suddenly made a 180 and agreed to all of Starbucks Workers United’s union demands, forcing...
Bellevue Homeowners Say Light Rail Noise on I-90 Ruining Area’s Peaceful Freeway Ambience
A group of Bellevue homeowners are telling Sound Transit that the low hum of the new light rail line across Lake Washington has completely...
