Cars Return to Spawn at Pike Place
Crowds of pedestrian shoppers watched in awe this week as cars—after more than a year away—somehow found their way back to Pike Place to...
Mayor Wilson Accused of Being Witch After Making Both Route 8 Bus and Denny Car Traffic Faster
Business leaders across the city came together today to accuse Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson of being a witch after somehow making both a bus...
Google Maps Shrugs, Renames Lake Union to Lake Confederacy
With a listless sigh and helpless shrug, today multi-trillion-dollar Alphabet subsidiary Google Maps pre-emptively bent over and renamed Seattle’s Lake Union to Lake Confederacy....
Park Rangers Advise Hikers to Ward Off Bears by Loudly Announcing Median Housing Prices
As bears reach their most active foraging season to prepare for winter hibernation, park rangers are advising hikers this fall that the most effective...
Ballard Congratulates Golf Course on Its New Light Rail Station
As Ballard excitedly waits to hear if Sound Transit might build their light rail station as soon as 2092, the dense, walkable Seattle neighborhood...
Portable Air Conditioner Thanklessly Shoved into Dark Closet
Today one dutiful, hardworking, and some say even life-saving portable air conditioner was thanklessly shoved into a dark closet, never to see the light...
Local Millionaire Investing in AI Can’t Wait to Blame Future Bankruptcy on Millionaires Tax
Today millionaire Nat Keller expressed full confidence and excitment that he’ll one day be able to blame his future bankruptcy on Washington state’s future...
Bezos Balls Return to Natural Color After Busting a Union
Leaves weren’t the only things changing colors today in Downtown Seattle as people walking by Amazon’s headquarters witnessed the usually blue Bezos Balls return...
Shocking Report Finds Cle Elum Actually Nowhere Near Enumclaw
Despite seeming like nearby rural cities that were both named by a pioneer named Cleetus, a shocking report released today confirms that the communities...
Zuckerberg Superyacht Ignores Distress Call from Boat That Saw Naked, Sunblock-Slathered Zuckerberg
Mark Zuckerberg’s superyacht once again this week ignored a distress call from a nearby boat calling to report potentially permanent blindness of everyone aboard...
