Mayor Wilson Accused of Being Witch After Making Both Route 8 Bus and Denny Car Traffic Faster
Business leaders across the city came together today to accuse Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson of being a witch after somehow making both a bus...
Google Maps Shrugs, Renames Lake Union to Lake Confederacy
With a listless sigh and helpless shrug, today multi-trillion-dollar Alphabet subsidiary Google Maps pre-emptively bent over and renamed Seattle’s Lake Union to Lake Confederacy....
Zuckerberg Superyacht Ignores Distress Call from Boat That Saw Naked, Sunblock-Slathered Zuckerberg
Mark Zuckerberg’s superyacht once again this week ignored a distress call from a nearby boat calling to report potentially permanent blindness of everyone aboard...
Lime Abandons Disastrous E-Unicycle Sharing Program
Today Lime officially abandoned its ill-fated e-unicycle sharing pilot program in Seattle and will not be expanding to other cities, citing “more cracked skulls...
‘That Actually Happened in Unincorporated King County,’ Reports Guy from Enumclaw
Tonight a guy from Enumclaw reported that, for what it's worth, it actually happened in Unincorporated King County.
“It actually happened about five miles north...
Sound Transit Threatens to Unleash Dark Rail If Riders Keep Ignoring Posted Warnings
Today local public transit authority Sound Transit officials said that if light rail riders keep ignoring posted warning signs about standing at a safe...
Inexperienced Seattle Mayor Apologizes for Naively Assuming Police Knew How to Do Their Job
Amid questions about what communication errors led to the public waiting so long for accurate public safety updates after the Seattle Center shooting last...
Seattle Police Chief Assures City He Commutes Back to Chicago to See Wife, Kids as Little as Possible
After widespread reports that he isn’t even in the city most of the year because of how frequently he commutes back to his home...
SPD Wondering What’s Taking Mayor Katie Wilson So Long to Find Second Shooting Suspect
Two days after a tragic shooting that killed three people at Seattle Center, Seattle Police Department officials say confusion and questions continue to swirl...
Critics Slam Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson for Causing Another 9/11
Seattle Mayor Katie Wilson continued to be accused of not taking the city’s public safety seriously enough today after people in Denny Triangle said...
