Bainbridge Island Adds ‘Everyone Is Welcome Here’ Sign to 90-Foot Wall Keeping Poors Out
In a show of how much better they are than those awful people in Seattle’s Laurelhurst neighborhood, today Bainbridge Island added an “Everyone Is...
Laurelhurst Airlifted One Mile from Seattle Children’s into Lake Washington
To keep Laurelhurst residents from ever having to hear helicopters transporting sick kids directly to the hospital, today the entire community was airlifted to...
$18M Laurelhurst Mansion Owner Just Wishes There Was Some Way to Not Live Next to Noisy Hospital
After people across the nation shamed his neighborhood out of blocking helicopters carrying sick kids from landing at Seattle Children’s, today $18 million waterfront...
Report: Laurelhurst Residents Blocking Helicopter Landings at Seattle Children’s Ain’t Heard Shit Yet
A new report confirmed today that Laurelhurst residents blocking helicopters carrying kids in critical condition from landing directly at Seattle Children’s hospital because they’re...
‘White Female Mamdani’ Mayor of Seattle Caught Blowing Taxpayer Money on Personal Limousine
Fury took over the city of Seattle this week after its “White Female Mamdani” mayor, Katie Wilson, was caught blowing precious taxpayer dollars on...
Judge Orders Everyone to Know This Piece of Shit from Covington, Not Seattle
This week a Seattle judge who ordered the man that threw a rock at an endangered monk seal return to Hawaii for court also...
Local Beach Water Tests Positive for Viagra
A recent tidepooling study revealed today that local beach water has tested positive for Viagra.
“How did we know? Look, we just knew,” said NOAA...
Adorable Waterspout Tornado Tries to Scare Seattleites Filing Taxes Under Fascism
To the unexpected delight of people across the Seattle area, Wednesday afternoon the most precious waterspout tornado adorably tried to scare them while they...
Supreme Court Votes 6-3 to Officially Change Market Name to Pike’s Place
People all over Seattle today were horrified to discover that, hidden amongst last week’s unpopular Supreme Court decisions, was a 6-3 vote that has...
Laurelhurst Generously Agrees to Let Sick Children Live
After two weeks of deliberation, today the esteemed Laurelhurst Community Council generously agreed to let sick and severely injured airlifted children live instead of...
