Microsoft Worker Still Thinks He Can Convince Friends to Use Bing
In the middle of a heated argument over the name of the actor who played Mr. Belvedere, 34-year-old Microsoft UX Designer Steve Ashby tragically revealed today he still thinks there's an even remote possibility...
Majestic Lake Washington Bald Eagle Shits on Car
A lone bald eagle glided across the still waters of Lake Washington and swooped through the tall Seward Park spruces this afternoon before unleashing a torrent of shit on an unsuspecting Kia in a...
#TBT: 5 Top-Read Posts for February
If you were buried so deep in an igloo last month that you missed last February's top-read posts, fret not:
1. Howard Schultz Promises to Move Nation's Capitol to Oklahoma City if Elected President
2....
Elementary School Bus Races Minivan with Oregon Plates
Tire squeals and burned rubber left startled parents and teachers searching for answers in front of Everett’s Fairmount Elementary School, where two traffic law-flouting dragsters took off like madmen today.
“We heard our bus driver...
Knife Fight Breaks Out Amongst Ravenna Roommates Over Composting Argument
A clash over proper composting methods between two rival roommates in an eco-friendly Ravenna household today reportedly resulted in an old-fashioned knifefight for the ages.
The conflict began when Lacey Edkins, 24, allegedly tried to...
Stimulus Payments Delayed As Trump Demands Publishers Clearing House Deliver Each on 3-Foot-Wide Checks
Today the IRS informed Americans still waiting for their stimulus payments that their delivery had been delayed again while President Donald Trump arranges for each 3-foot-wide posterboard check to be hand-delivered by a Publishers...
Model Citizen Stakes Out Ballot Drop to Inform Stragglers He Voted Weeks Ago
August primary voters rushing to turn in their ballots at a Wallingford drop box at the last minute were aided tonight by local Good Samaritan Chester Hines, who let them all know he got...
The Needling’s 2020 Real Fake News Corrections: We Regret the Accuracy
Here at The Needling we strive to uphold our credibility as a real fake news organization that only reports real fake news. Unfortunately sometimes we accidentally end up reporting real real news, sometimes even...
Washington State Officially Renames ‘Slow’ Lane to ‘Passing Your Slow AF Ass’ Lane
After years of failing to convince thousands of Washington State drivers that freeway left lanes are for passing, not blocking and babysitting everyone who wants to drive faster than 55 MPH, State Patrol says...
Man Shopping at U Village Amazon Books Just Wanted to Send an Extra Fuck You to Indie Bookstores
Unsure whether purchasing books quickly and conveniently online from Amazon had made it clear enough that he thinks local independent bookstores can go fuck themselves and die already, local book purchaser Jared Riley announced...
