Gates Regrets Ties to Sex Offender He Thought Was Only Going to Victimize Children, Not Himself
In his testimony to Congress released this week, Microsoft co-founder Bill Gates said he deeply regretted his ties to convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein...
US and Iran Agree to Alternating Weekly Schedule of War/Ceasefire
After weeks of battling each other so hard it looked like they might destroy themselves just for the satisfaction of irreparably ruining the other,...
Rural Armed Militia Converts Compound to Ballroom
Inspired by President Donald Trump’s genius tactic to increase his safety against all sworn enemies, today a rural armed militia on the border of...
Tennessee Legislators Demand Genital Check of Starbucks Mermaid
Starbucks’ bumpy road to relocating much of its workforce to Nashville, Tenn. continued today after the state’s transphobic legislators demanded a genital check of...
Supreme Court Overturns Law of Gravity
In a 6-3 decision the Supreme Court declared the law of gravity unconstitutional, effectively ending the centuries old practice of not floating into space.
"The...
Blue Origin Lunar Lander Delivered to Wrong Moon
After a promised delivery to its intended address fell through this morning, today Blue Origin confirmed its lunar lander was in fact delivered to...
Artemis II Astronauts Say Microsoft Teams Not Working Either
After experiencing a Microsoft Outlook outage shortly after entering orbit this week, today Artemis II astronauts reported that Teams was also not working either...
Drone Using AI to Target Nation’s Greatest Security Threat Blows Up White House
In a completely tragic accident, today a drone using AI to target and take down the nation’s greatest security threat has mistakenly blown up...
Trump Upstages Masters with Perfect Golf Stroke
Before Rory McIlroy could even enjoy his historic Masters championship win for 24 hours, today President Donald Trump upstaged the golf tournament winner’s victory...
ICE Agents Just Making Sure They’re the Only Terrorists at Airport
Today ICE began filling in for unpaid TSA workers at airports across the country to make sure that ICE agents were the only terrorists...
