Despite President Trump giving everyone four days to highly anticipate and watch his primetime address Thursday night, the entire nation unfortunately missed the whole thing because Jimothy.
“Apparently no one knows exactly what President said tonight not just because ABC and NBC didn’t air it but also mostly just Jimothy,” said Pew Research Center spokesman Stanley Parker after polling Americans for their thoughts on the address. “They did however suddenly know a lot about short spine syndrome.”
Even White House pool reporters physically in the room the speech was made somehow missed the speech due to Jimothy.
“I began watching a video of Jimothy scrambling accross a yard before the speech began, and next thing I knew I was looking up and it was just Secret Service agents telling us to stop looking at our phones and get out already,” said CNN White House reporter Kaitlin Collins. “Well, whatever President Trump said couldn’t be more important than spreading awareness of how anyone with short spine syndrome can still thrive.”
At press time, a tantruming President Trump vowed to strip FCC licenses from all who did not air his speech including ABC, NBC and the neighborhood Ring camera everyone’s hacking tonight to watch more Jimothy.
