Dangerously single male Cybertruck drivers now have their own single-occupancy “X Lanes” to quickly connect them from their solitary tech-bro jobs to their empty condos without almost crashing into and killing anyone.
“I usually blast through an exit lane or shoulder on 405 to cut traffic and get to my Bravern condo,” said self-proclaimed incel Jaxon Thomas, buying yet another set of worn-out tires for his garbage bin-shaped monstrosity. “So glad I no longer have to swerve erratically between lanes in a desperate attempt to rush home and get back to complaining about my male loneliness crisis online.”
The lack of friends, family, or any women willing to be seen in a Cybertruck has prompted WSDOT to create the new designated lanes for Tesla drivers to commute separately from other traffic, insulating them from the constant reminder that money can’t buy love or good taste.
“Finally! I used to have to share I-90 with common plebs and their passengers in their Rav-4s I could only resist crashing into when I remembered how much more the crash would damage my Cybertruck,” said James Wu, while updating the blockchain in his completely sterile, gray apartment. “On the road, I need to be able to more efficiently flaunt my poor decision-making skills in an attempt to escape my inner emptiness–or else.”
WSDOT says the lane is completely funded by Elon Musk’s $69-per-week “subscription model” toll system with Tesla drivers funneling money directly to the trillionaire that could otherwise be used to improve public roads.
