Beth’s Cafe Celebrates 10,000th Heart Attack
Seattle’s favorite greasy spoon since 1954 and home of the 12-egg omelet, Beth’s Café, proudly announced today that it had reached its 10,000th customer...
Connecticut Ordered to Stop Calling That Pizza
After decades of countless warnings, today Connecticut was formally ordered by the rest of the United States to stop calling whatever the fuck that...
New PNW Edition Prius Includes Extra Mirrors to Watch Drivers Behind Them Go Nuts
Today Toyota revealed its all-new, highly anticipated 2027 Pacific Northwest Edition Prius, which for the first time ever comes with extra mirrors so that...
Car-Free Pike Place Market Pilot Deemed Too Successful to Continue
Citing positive feedback and increased foot traffic that grew day after day for a year and a half, next week the car-free Pike Place...
Report: Canada Geese Tourism to United States Down 85%
In yet another negative impact on the U.S. economy as the tariff wars between the neighboring North American nations escalate, today a report confirmed...
Seattle Mourns Starbucks as Old Locations Fill with Infinitely Better Coffee and Pastries
Today Seattle continued to mourn the closure of several Starbucks cafes as their old locations sadly began to fill with small businesses serving infinitely...
Smokey Bear Authorized by NPS to Maul Noncompliant Campers
Underfunded, undermanned and facing the threat of another dire wildfire season in the midst of a global pandemic, a desperate U.S. National Park Service...
Polymarket, Kalshi Now Taking Bets on Fights in Ferry Lines
Just in time for World Cup tourists to make things more interesting this weekend, prediction markets Polymarket and Kalshi announced they are now taking...
Alaska Airlines Prepares Pivot to Dog Sledding Just in Case Whole Airline Industry Thing Doesn’t Work Out
After reckoning with the unsustainability of keeping an airline financially afloat if jet fuel prices keep skyrocketing with no end in sight, today sources...
Chonkers Tells San Francisco He’s Just Up in Seattle on Business
After days of San Francisco wondering where its newest seaside celebrity, Chonkers, has been, today the gigantic 2,000-pound sea lion let them know he’s...
