Chonkers Tells San Francisco He’s Just Up in Seattle on Business
After days of San Francisco wondering where its newest seaside celebrity, Chonkers, has been, today the gigantic 2,000-pound sea lion let them know he’s...
Starbucks Promises to Make Seattle Coffee Utopia Again by Moving to Nashville
After rumors that the corporate coffee giant no longer cares about the city that put it on the map, this week Starbucks confirmed plans...
Ivar’s Restaurants Release 50,000 Pounds of Fried Prawns Back Into Ocean For Earth Day
In an impassioned and excessive display of environmentalism, local restaurant chain, Ivar’s, released 50,000 pounds of fried prawns into the Puget Sound for Earth...
Cocaine Salmon Would Like to See You Swim That Far Upstream without a Little Bump
As appalling news spread of how rampant the presence of cocaine is in salmon these days, one irritable local Coho on the ‘caine said...
Mariners Fans Heading to Game on Ferry Opt for $8 Nacho Upgrade
After agreeing they were all unusually hungry for some reason, Mariners fans heading to the game today on the ferry collectively opted for the...
‘You Didn’t See Shit,’ Local Says to California Tourist Witnessing Sunny Seattle Spring
As locals basked in sunshine utterly surrounded by greenery, flowers, sparkling waters, and unbeatable snow-capped mountain views almost too beautiful together to be true,...
Franz Debuts Budget-friendly ‘Some of the Things’ Bagels
Attempting to address the rising cost of groceries, today Franz Bakery announced its new cost-saving "Some of the Things" bagel."We've listened to the feedback...
Seattle Couple Plans Destination Wedding for West Seattle
Recently engaged Seattle lovebirds Kevin Hwang and Trucy Schmidt formally announced today that their destination wedding will take place on the far-flung shores of...
Entire Relationship Hinges on Getaway Weekend to Orcas Island
Local couple Vanessa and Patrick say they’re excited to relax and have fun on Orcas Island this weekend because only the entire direction of...
The Next Titanic? This Couple on a Bremerton Ferry is Raw-Dogging in a 2002 Toyota Corolla
It’s been almost three decades since Titanic’s Rose and Jack rocked our worlds with their unforgettable love affair at sea. Now two Bremerton-bound lovebirds...
