Rescue Shelter Cats Flown in from California to Seattle Humane Already Complaining About the Mexican Food
Within 24 hours of landing in Seattle, animal shelter workers are confirming that all 19 rescue cats flown in from California are already complaining...
Scientists Confirm Thanksgiving Gatherings Only Safe If Everyone There Voted for Biden
Liberal families across the country rejoiced today as CDC scientists confirmed that inviting friends and family over for Thanksgiving during a pandemic is totally...
Juicy Thanksgiving Turkey Obviously Got Saline Injections, Dermal Fillers
Rumors are swirling that the juicy turkey who just arrived at one local Thanksgiving dinner obviously got saline injections and dermal fillers done ahead...
Caffé Vita Relents; Employees Can Now Give Pastries To Homeless If Thrown Really Hard
In response to the firing of ten employees for the grotesque shame the company suffered when rogue baristas recklessly distributed old coffee and stale...
Alaska Airlines Announces Emotional Baggage Fee
In another financial blow to air travelers after Southwest said it was ending its free two-checked bags policy, today Alaska Airlines said it would...
Couple’s Photos from Seattle Vacation Actually Taken in Vancouver, B.C.
Today friends and family of a couple who just came back from their Seattle vacation were treated to an Instagram carousel of the lovebirds...
Bar Patron Kicked Out for Being Unvaccinated Misses Halcyon Days of Getting Kicked Out for Being Belligerent
Shortly after Linda’s Tavern on Capitol Hill kicked him out for being unvaccinated, local bar patron Sean Upchuck says he just wishes everything could...
Hikers Accidentally Climb Giant Mountain of Dog Poop Bags at Trailhead
A group of hikers were in for a stinky surprise today after they realized they had mistakenly summited an enormous mountain of green dog...
Mountaineers: 5 Ways to Not Burn Down a Whole Motherfucking Forest This Year
1. Don’t light campfires during a burn ban or in areas that restricts them — unless your #PNWonderland Insta posts would be incomplete without...
Trader Joe’s Bouncer Declines Entrance to Man Not Wearing Enough North Face
Despite several signs explicitly requiring all shoppers to wear enough middle-class outdoor gear for a hike up Little Si, witnesses waiting in line outside...
