Capitol Hill Dick’s to Compete Against New McDonald’s with Even Stickier, Hairier Ball Pit
After rumors that a McDonalds is opening just up the street in the old vacant Rite-Aid building on Broadway, today Dick’s announced it’s prepared...
Trail Blown Up by Social Media Post
A beautiful hiking trail spot in the Olympic Mountains was blown out into fiery smithereens today after a ne’er-do-well hiker geo-tagged gorgeous photos of...
Boeing Celebrates DB Cooper Day by Removing Plane Doors Mid-flight
Today Boeing commemorated the legendary sky-diving escape of hijacker D.B. Cooper—never to be seen again—on this day Nov. 24, 1971 by festively popping doors...
Gov. Inslee Under White House Pressure to Add Trump’s Face to Gum Wall
Following a recent inquiry President Trump made about having his head added to Mount Rushmore, details have emerged of a call Governor Jay Inslee...
Baby Poked in Eye by Faulty Spoon Airplane Manufactured by Boeing
Boeing came under fire once again today after it was revealed that a baby was poked in the eye by a faulty Boeing 737...
New Family Friendly Brewery To Lock Kids In Padded Room While Parents Get Shithoused
In a move that has local parents raving, the owner of Enfant Terrible Brewing has announced that its new Greenwood location provides a padded,...
Mom Insists Waiting In Line For ‘Original Starbucks’ Worth It
Disregarding repeated protests from her grown daughter, Ohio mother Susan Varlick insisted that no line could be long enough to keep her from getting...
New Supercharged Light Rail Escalators Launch Passengers Straight From Northgate to Angle Lake
Ahead of the new northside stations opening this summer, today Sound Transit announced that it has upgraded its escalators with a supercharger that will...
Hidden Speakeasy Entrance Actually Just Some Guy’s Kitchen Window
The hottest new speakeasy in town abruptly shut down today after it was revealed that patrons had mistaken his kitchen window for a hidden...
Local Conservative Clarifies He’s Only Okay with Wearing Masks to Ruin Lives, Not Save Them
Today a local conservative and ICE agent who cried bloody murder when asked to wear a mask during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic...
