Just as Egyptian and Iranian national soccer team officials had feared when they first learned they would be playing each other at Seattle’s World Cup Pride Match, a man waving a Pride flag like a magic wand accidentally turned both teams gay.
“I didn’t mean to—I just thought it’d be fun to wave my Pride flag and say ‘Bibbity-bobbity-Zizo!” said local gay soccer fan Taylor Crayson who just wanted both teams to have fun. “To be fair, you at least still can’t tell the difference when they’re fouled.”
Egyptian and Iranian football association officials, however, were livid.
“We told you having those Pride flags all over the place would be dangerous, but no one listened to us!” said a crying Egyptian Football Association President Hany Abo Rida as Egypt forward Zizo celebrated scoring a goal with a sassy hair toss. “You Americans haven’t seen anything if you dare turn this into the plot of a soccer-themed Heated Rivalry spin-off.”
At press time Iranian and Egyptian coaches were reportedly trying to reverse the spell with a bright pink and blue straight pride flag that somehow only made the team seem gayer.
