One World Cup tourist blissfully unaware every Limebike seat he rode on today was covered in a naked Fremont Solstice Parade reveler’s taintjuice over the weekend says he’s continuing to have an awesome time in Seattle.
“First thing I did this morning was search for a Limebike to check out the rest of the Waterfront and all of them were covered in festive colors and glitter for some reason—I imagine probably an early Pride celebration of some sort,” said Sam Jorgenson with a reflexive sniff. “The paint was unexpectedly pungent but thankfully nothing I couldn’t easily wipe off the seats with my hands!”
Jorgenson said he rode a Limebike from Belltown down to the Waterfront and then up towards Pioneer Square, where the seats on all the Limebikes there were also covered in paint, glitter and, blissfully unbeknownst to him, all manner of dried assjuice.
“Wow, this city really loves celebrating sports, summer, and Pride,” Jorgenson said as he searched for maybe just one completely clean bike seat. “Oh cool this one just has a little mud on it.”
At press time, Jorgenson was sipping tea out of a new tumbler he bought at what he happily does not know is not actually the first Starbucks.
