Sun-drunk Seattleite Accidentally Says ‘Hello’ to Stranger
In an embarrassing lapse of character, today a Seattle man who clearly had one too many hours out in the sunshine accidentally said “hello”...
‘White Female Mamdani’ Mayor of Seattle Caught Blowing Taxpayer Money on Personal Limousine
Fury took over the city of Seattle this week after its “White Female Mamdani” mayor, Katie Wilson, was caught blowing precious taxpayer dollars on...
Zuckerberg Docks Annual Salary of 1,400 Laid-Off Meta Workers in Seattle
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg surprised Seattle Tuesday night when the billionaire unexpectedly docked a massive, five-story annual salary of 1,400 laid-off Meta workers in...
Tennessee Legislators Demand Genital Check of Starbucks Mermaid
Starbucks’ bumpy road to relocating much of its workforce to Nashville, Tenn. continued today after the state’s transphobic legislators demanded a genital check of...
Local Beach Water Tests Positive for Viagra
A recent tidepooling study revealed today that local beach water has tested positive for Viagra.
“How did we know? Look, we just knew,” said NOAA...
Ai Weiwei Exhibit at Olympic Sculpture Park Is Very Deep, and I Totally Get It
Ai Weiwei’s view-dominating homage to animal heads just installed at Olympic Sculpture Park is controversial—for SOME people, anyway. But me? I totally get it.
In...
‘Doesn’t Get Much Better Than This,’ Says Seattle Man Enjoying 37-Minute Window of Sunshine at Gas Works
After a long stretch of rain, one local man expressed his gratitude for a 37-minute window of sunshine he enjoyed at Gas Works Park...
‘You Didn’t See Shit,’ Local Says to California Tourist Witnessing Sunny Seattle Spring
As locals basked in sunshine utterly surrounded by greenery, flowers, sparkling waters, and unbeatable snow-capped mountain views almost too beautiful together to be true,...
New Study Shows Bellevue Exists Outside of Work Hours
A shocking new study conducted by a team of Seattleites who crossed the treacherous waters of Lake Washington by light rail over the weekend...
Southern Resident Conservation Groups Against More Affordable Housing Just Assuming Orcas Also Racist
Assuming Southern Residents are just as afraid of living next to more coloreds and poors as they are, today a coalition of orca-loving conservatives...
