After widespread reports that he isn’t even in the city most of the year because of how frequently he commutes back to his home in Chicago, today SPD Chief Shon Barnes assured Seattle he spends as little time with his wife and kids in the Windy City as possible.
“Guys, the whole reason I took this job is to be here most of the year instead of anywhere near my wife and kids,” said Chief Barnes at a press conference to clarify which city he actually resides in most. “I know I got heated with a South Seattle Emerald reporter who asked me about this earlier this week while wondering why I wasn’t here to manage to Seattle Center shooting on Sunday, but it’s just so offensive that anyone thinks I’d actually be putting in the time and effort to be a remotely good husband and father.”
Bruce Harrell, the previous mayor of Seattle who hired Chief Barnes, said he is appalled at how many people are questioning his character and commitment to Jet City.
“The entire reason I hired him is the incredible set of values we share, like finding any excuse possible to not be around your wife and kids,” said Harrell, now CEO of a local textile company that’s expanding internationally. “I thought everyone already knew the most loving thing any police officer can do for their wife and kids is to be around them as little as possible.”
Chief Barnes closed the press conference with a reminder that the Second City comes second to Seattle for him and that he is “fully committed to our community here in Chi-town.”
