In yet another negative impact on the U.S. economy as the tariff wars between the neighboring North American nations escalate, today a report confirmed that Canada Geese tourism to the United States is already 85% down.
“We’ve been snowbirding in The States every year for the past 15 winters stimulating their ecosystem, but you know what? It’s their loss,” said Canada Goose Norm Honker as his flock in Calgary prepared to fly south for winter. “This year we’re skipping the United States altogether and flying a little bit further south to Mexico—the food will be cheaper and better. Besides, the whole point of flying south is not having to deal with ICE.”
Meanwhile, people keeping lawns across the nation are wondering whose fertilizer will keep them green now.
“Usually by now this whole park lawn is ready to come back to life with the help of Canada Geese’s generous droppings everywhere as they stop by on their trip south,” said Seattle Parks groundskeeper Bill Banks. “But yesterday I sat down on the grass didn’t get even a single poop stain on my pants. And what about the chidren? Who’s going to chase them out of the park and teach them a natural fear of giant birds?”
According to the report, the only reason 15% of Canada Geese are still traveling south to the United States this fall are seasonal Trader Joe’s snacks.
