Leftist US World Cup Team Fan Promises to Go Back to Being Ashamed of Country for 4th of July
After raising eyebrows the last two weeks as he wore the American flag like a cape and led patriotic chants all across Seattle, local...
Man Waving Pride Flag Like Wand at Egypt-Iran World Cup Match Accidentally Turns Both Teams Gay
Just as Egyptian and Iranian national soccer team officials had feared when they first learned they would be playing each other at Seattle’s World...
Sun, World Cup Convince Socially Repressed City to Come Out as Extrovert
After finally being convinced by the sun and the World Cup to live their truth, this week socially repressed Seattle bravely came out as...
Seattleites Frantically Search for Plausible Excuse to Cancel Plans with World Cup
Although initially looking forward to it when they put it on their calendars four years ago, today Seattle residents realizing the first World Cup...
ICE to Help Protect World Cup Host Cities from Making Any Money from International Tourists
U.S. World Cup host cities including Seattle, LA, Boston, New York City and Atlanta were assured today that ICE is already on-hand to protect...
Perfect Weather Ruins US Men’s World Cup Team Loss
The US Men’s World Cup loss to Belgium was completely ruined Monday night by perfect Seattle summer weather that made it impossible for fans...
Socialist Mayor Reigns of Terror Continue with Yet Another Sports Championship Victory
Just four months after Mayor Katie Wilson kicked off her Socialist reign of terror over Seattle with a Seahawks Super Bowl win, today Mayor...
Mariners Father’s Day Game Welcomes Dads to Walk on Field and Admire Well-Kept Lawn
Inspired by the annual Run Around the Bases event, today the Seattle Mariners began a new Father’s Day Game tradition of inviting local dads...
Trump Signs Executive Order Allowing US Men’s World Cup Team to Use Guns
In anticipation of the USA’s World Cup match in Seattle against heavily favored Australia today President Donald Trump signed an Executive Order allowing the...
Confetti at Randy Johnson Number Retirement Unveiling Just Feathers
As fans unveiled Mariners legend Randy Johnson’s retired number tonight, many were delighted to discover the confetti raining down on them was actually an...
