US to Only Allow Iran at World Cup Games If No Dangerous School Children on Team
After a week of deliberating if Iran’s national soccer team will be able to attend their scheduled World Cup Games in Seattle and LA...
Rep. Pramila Jayapal Endorses both Seahawks and Patriots
After months of 99.9% of her constituents asking her to root for the Seahawks, Seattle Congresswoman Rep. Pramila Jayapal announced to the surprised delight...
JD Vance Busts Team USA’s Terrorist Plot to ‘Cut Up the ICE’
After cleverly stuffing himself in an Olympic hockey lockerroom locker before someone else did, today Vice President JD Vance aka Special Agent 1488 reportedly...
Timeout: Blitz the Seahawk Attempting to Mate with the SkyCam Again
The Seattle Seahawks were forced to burn a timeout during their matchup with the 49ers tonight after mascot Blitz the Seahawk entered the field...
DSM-5 Now Includes Mariners Fanhood as a Legitimate Form of Depression
After years of vacillation about whether it should be officially labeled a psychological disorder, the National Order of Psychiatrists confirmed today that they’ve added...
Mariners Fans Still Skeptical They’ll Be AL West Champs
After the Mariners triumphantly broke a 24-year division title drought Wednesday night, Seattle M’s fans confessed they’re still highly skeptical that they have a...
Ichiro Comedy Special Somehow Already Up on Netflix
Just a day after his unexpectedly humorous National Baseball Hall of Fame induction speech, Mariners legend Ichiro Suzuki somehow already has an hourlong standup...
Mariners Honor Big Dumper by Transforming ‘Hit It Here Cafe’ into ‘The Dump’
The Mariners announced their decision to honor Cal 'Big Dumper' Raleigh today by transforming the "Hit It Here Café” into “The Dump.”
"Cal has hit...
Sonics Fans Reach NBA Final Stage of Grief
After the team that was once the SuperSonics, the Oklahoma Thunder, won their first NBA Finals Championship since leaving Seattle 17 years ago, sources...
Family of Dove Killed by Randy Johnson Protest Number Retirement
The family of a dove blown into a “sea of feathers” by a fastball pitch from Randy Johnson in 2001 are protesting the Mariners...
