Family of Dove Killed by Randy Johnson Protest Number Retirement
The family of a dove blown into a “sea of feathers” by a fastball pitch from Randy Johnson in 2001 are protesting the Mariners...
ICE Deports Mariner Moose Back to Canada
The Mariner Moose was reportedly deported back to his native Canada by ICE agents today despite being a legal U.S. resident for the past...
Dodger Shakes Hands with Kershaw
Today famed 1964 Draft Dodger Donald Trump shook hands with World Series-winning pitcher Clayton Kershaw.
"Wow, a real Dodger!” said Los Angeles pitcher Clayton Kershaw...
Kraken Mascot Fired After Reminding Mariners Fans Who Had the Blue Corndog First
Buoy was immediately fired today after the pantsless Seattle Kraken mascot took to the Climate Pledge Arena ice to “remind Mariner fans who had...
Lumen Field Innie Blissfully Unaware of Mariners
After years of his outie suffering extreme mental anguish due to one big Mariners loss after another, this year Lumen Field innie Matt S....
Mariners’ Concessions Asking Fans to Round Up At Checkout to Fund New Player
Mariners fans were puzzled at T-Mobile Park concession stands today when they were asked if they wanted to round up at checkout to help...
Ichiro Throws the Ceremonial First Fish
The 2025 Mariners season began officially today as former 10-time All Star and National Baseball Hall of Fame inductee Ichiro Suzuki threw out the...
Local Idiot Thinks SoDo Has Always Meant ‘South Of Downtown’
Several Seattle historians are reporting today that local idiot Kyle Bennington actually thought SoDo stood for “south of downtown” instead of what it obviously...
RFK Jr. Believes Vaccines Cause March Madness
Today Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr. released a report warning Americans that he and one chiropractor he found on YouTube believe vaccines...
Spokane Prepares for ‘March Month of Relevance’ Basketball Tournament
After it was made official over the weekend that Gonzaga had once again made the cut for the NCAA’s March Madness brackets, today Spokane...
