Seahawks Sale Moves Forward After Seattle Successfully Binds, Gags Howard Schultz
Shortly after Jody Allen officially announced the Seahawks were up for sale today, cautiously optimistic Seattle sports fans waved forward the bidding process once...
Gatesville Named Official Casket Partner of the National Football League
As the NFL forges ahead with its planned regular season, Commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that they have secured a record-breaking sponsorship deal with...
Mariners Fans Still Skeptical They’ll Make Playoffs
After the Mariners triumphantly broke the longest playoff drought in men’s professional sports history Friday night, Seattle M’s fans confessed they’re still highly skeptical...
Report: World Cup Games Slated to Be Played in Seattle Will Now Be Filmed in Vancouver
While the world is distracted by the Paris Olympic games beginning this week, today FIFA quietly announced that the six 2026 World Cup games...
Hilary Knight Accepts Invitation to Knock Out Rest of Jack Hughes’ Teeth
After sexist locker-room talk led to a contentious week between the US Men’s and Women’s Hockey teams, today the Women’s and Seattle Torrent Team...
Seattle Kraken Already Relocated to Oklahoma City
Seattle Kraken fans were crushed today after learning that the team’s ownership, Seattle Hockey Partners, has announced that the fledgling team assembled just yesterday...
Bark at the Park Night Game Postponed After 9,000 Dogs Run on Field to Chase Baseball
Chaos erupted at T-Mobile Park tonight, postponing the Mariners’ sold-out ‘Bark at the Park’ game, after a flurry of furry four-legged friends rushed the...
Sonics Fans Reach NBA Final Stage of Grief
After the team that was once the SuperSonics, the Oklahoma Thunder, won their first NBA Finals Championship since leaving Seattle 17 years ago, sources...
Seattle Forced to Drive Portland to Soccer Practice
After recently acquiring a driver’s licence, Seattle is being forced to drive Portland to soccer practice this afternoon.
The news came in from a...
Blue Friday-Dressed Californian Believes He’s ‘Finally Fitting In’
In an adorable show of desperate bandwagoning, one apparently lost Californian confidently wandered into a Downtown Seattle office for today's Blue Friday dressed head-to-toe...
