Socialist Mayor Reigns of Terror Continue with Yet Another Sports Championship Victory
Just four months after Mayor Katie Wilson kicked off her Socialist reign of terror over Seattle with a Seahawks Super Bowl win, today Mayor...
Seahawks GM Finally Asks Pete Carroll to Chew Gum with Mouth Closed
By Guest Sports Correspondent Dustin Nickerson
As the coronavirus continues to spread and citizens everywhere take preventive measures to stop the transmission of germs, Seahawks...
How to Mentally Prepare Yourself for the Mariners’ Season to Collapse Like the Tacoma Narrows Bridge
It’s mid-August and right about now a familiar thought creeps into the back of every fan’s mind—when is this whole thing going to fall...
Alaska Airlines Changes ‘Proudly All Boeing’ Signs on Planes to ‘Oops! All Boeings’
After years of displaying the hand-painted tagline “Proudly All Boeing” on the sides of its planes, today Alaska Airlines announced it would be retiring...
Sportsball Fans Excited to Mock Seattle’s New Slappy Disc Team
With the debut of Seattle’s new hockey team name today, the region’s Sportsball fans announced that they have also landed on a new, condescending...
Local Pedestrian Crosses Street Record-setting 27 Times in One Block
In a stunning commitment to not come within six feet of any people on her afternoon walk today, local pedestrian Megan Wallace crossed the...
Macklemore Spotted Lurking Near Climate Pledge Arena Just in Case Kraken Need a Rally Song
With baseball season over and hockey season underway, today local musician Macklemore was spotted lurking near Climate Pledge Arena just in case the Kraken...
Mariners Opening Day to Feature ‘Hot Dogs From Hell’ Cannon Fired Directly Into Fan’s Faces
The Seattle Mariners announced plans today to follow up on their popular Hot Dogs from Heaven promotion with a new Hot Dogs from Hell...
Seattle Forced to Drive Portland to Soccer Practice
After recently acquiring a driver’s licence, Seattle is being forced to drive Portland to soccer practice this afternoon.
The news came in from a...
ICE to Help Protect World Cup Host Cities from Making Any Money from International Tourists
U.S. World Cup host cities including Seattle, LA, Boston, New York City and Atlanta were assured today that ICE is already on-hand to protect...
