Skittle Rainbow Stretches Over Seattle as Curse Finally Broken, Beast Mode Avenged
Overgrown thorned blackberry bushes magically receded as a Skittle rainbow stretched over the city of Seattle, confirming the Seahawks Super Bowl curse was broken...
Gov. Inslee Updates COVID Guidelines to Mandate Aaron Donald Must Stay 6 Feet From Russell Wilson
Ahead of today’s wild-card matchup between the Seattle Seahawks and the Los Angeles Rams, Governor Jay Inslee made a surprise announcement that he would...
Macklemore Spotted Lurking Near Climate Pledge Arena Just in Case Kraken Need a Rally Song
With baseball season over and hockey season underway, today local musician Macklemore was spotted lurking near Climate Pledge Arena just in case the Kraken...
Mariners Opening Day to Feature ‘Hot Dogs From Hell’ Cannon Fired Directly Into Fan’s Faces
The Seattle Mariners announced plans today to follow up on their popular Hot Dogs from Heaven promotion with a new Hot Dogs from Hell...
JD Vance Busts Team USA’s Terrorist Plot to ‘Cut Up the ICE’
After cleverly stuffing himself in an Olympic hockey lockerroom locker before someone else did, today Vice President JD Vance aka Special Agent 1488 reportedly...
Seafair Hydroplane Racers Compete in Virtual Motorboating Event
Despite in-person Seafair events being cancelled by the pandemic for the second year in a row this year, local hydroplane fans were overjoyed to...
Julio Rodriguez Disappointed to Learn He Can’t Bring Home Run Trident on Roller Coaster
Mariners All-Star Julio Rodriguez was reportedly disappointed today when he was turned away from a Washington State Fair roller coaster after being told he...
Seattle Forced to Drive Portland to Soccer Practice
After recently acquiring a driver’s licence, Seattle is being forced to drive Portland to soccer practice this afternoon.
The news came in from a...
Seahawks GM Finally Asks Pete Carroll to Chew Gum with Mouth Closed
By Guest Sports Correspondent Dustin Nickerson
As the coronavirus continues to spread and citizens everywhere take preventive measures to stop the transmission of germs, Seahawks...
Ichiro Hits Own Ceremonial First Pitch for Leadoff Double
Mariners legend Ichiro Suzuki kicked off his own Hall of Fame Weekend with a bang today after he stunned the sold-out crowd by hitting...
