In Touching Final Move of Conference Solidarity with Washington State, UW Cougs It
Tonight—in an unexpectedly sentimental final gesture of Pac-12 Conference solidarity and nod to their historic rival, Washington State—the University of Washington voluntarily “Coug'd it” at their College Football Playoff National Championship game against the...
Woodland Park Zoo Announces Spring Yoga with Motherfucking Tigers
It’s time to throw your tired, pedantic yoga instructor in the fucking dumpster and strap on your finest Lululemons because the motherfucking Woodland Park Zoo is relunching its motherfucking yoga classes with live fucking...
Mariners Succumb to Seattle Kraken
After several days of stormy ups and downs, mariners aboard the Salty Seacod have reportedly succumbed tonight to the unstoppable tentacles of the Seattle Kraken.
“Ay, she blindsided and sank us faster than a Seattle...
Fremont Troll Clarifies Kraken Mascot Only Related by Marriage
After the Seattle Kraken unveiled their new mascot, Buoy, was the nephew of the Fremont Troll, the beloved local bridge troll was quick to clarify that the polarizing addition to the local sports scene...
Op-ed: Sounders Jerseys Now Feature Zulily Logo, Which is Totally Fine
I attended my first Sounders match of the season last week with a friend and noticed the front of the Sounders’ jersey now prominently features the logo for new team sponsor and women’s online...
Seattle Kraken Already Relocated to Oklahoma City
Seattle Kraken fans were crushed today after learning that the team’s ownership, Seattle Hockey Partners, has announced that the fledgling team assembled just yesterday will be moved to Oklahoma City.
“We want to thank the...
Pigeon Finally Avenges Father After Dropping Baseball on Randy Johnson
Following an infamous 2001 incident in which former Mariner pitcher Randy Johnson exploded a pigeon with a fastball during a Spring Training game, the pigeon's son has reportedly flown out of the shadows today...
Desperate Pete Carroll Spends Sunday Morning Luring Marshawn Lynch to CenturyLink with Trail of Skittles
Facing a slew of injuries heading into the final game of the regular season, a desperate Seattle Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll spent game day Sunday morning laying an extensive trail of Skittles leading...
DSM-5 Now Includes Mariners Fanhood as a Legitimate Form of Depression
After years of vacillation about whether it should be officially labeled a psychological disorder, the National Order of Psychiatrists confirmed today that they’ve added Mariners fanhood into their DSM-5 diagnostic manual of mental health...
Seahawks Honor Pete Carroll By Hanging His Gum From the Rafters
Following the shocking news that Pete Carroll would be stepping down as head coach, the Seahawks announced today that they would be honoring the team’s longtime leader by hanging his gum in the rafters.
“After...
