Squatch Added to All-Star Zoo Doo Donor Line-up
Supersonics fans throughout the Seattle area rejoiced today upon hearing legendary basketball team mascot Squatch has been added to the Woodland Park Zoo’s prestigious All-Star Zoo Doo line-up this year.
“I’ve been practicing all year...
Macklemore Spotted Lurking Near Climate Pledge Arena Just in Case Kraken Need a Rally Song
With baseball season over and hockey season underway, today local musician Macklemore was spotted lurking near Climate Pledge Arena just in case the Kraken needed a last-minute rally song.
“Wow, funny running into you here!...
Pete Carroll Blows Out Jaw, Tears TMJ
In a devastating addition to the Seattle Seahawks' injury report, it appears Head Coach Pete Carroll gnawed into his signature gum so hard this week he blew out his jaw, tearing his TMJ.
Carroll,...
Comforting Sense of Normalcy Returns to Seattle as Mariners Miss Playoffs
Following a tumultuous year for the city of Seattle, a comforting sense of calm and normalcy has returned to the city as the Mariners continued their playoff drought for the 19th straight year.
“In a...
New COVID Vaccine Lottery Threatens Non-compliant Citizens with Mariners Tickets
Following the announcement of cash incentive lotteries for vaccinated citizens, Governor Jay Inslee warned today that the state will also roll out a parallel punishment lottery that will threaten non-compliant citizens with free Mariners...
Moose Only Mariner Invited to All-Star Game
Today Seattle baseball fans say they’re doing their best to once again overcome a familiar sense of disappointment after learning that the only Mariner who made it onto the roster for the T-Mobile Park-hosted...
Alaska Airlines Changes ‘Proudly All Boeing’ Signs on Planes to ‘Oops! All Boeings’
After years of displaying the hand-painted tagline “Proudly All Boeing” on the sides of its planes, today Alaska Airlines announced it would be retiring the phrase and replacing it with “Oops! All Boeings.”
“So, it...
Seafair Hydroplane Racers Compete in Virtual Motorboating Event
Despite in-person Seafair events being cancelled by the pandemic for the second year in a row this year, local hydroplane fans were overjoyed to discover racers competing in a virtual motorboating event this weekend...
Desperate Mayor Attempts to Summon NBA Franchise Back by Chanting ‘SuperSonics’ In Mirror 3 Times
Staffers reportedly found Mayor Bruce Harrell in a City Hall bathroom today, sweaty and distraught, chanting “SuperSonics” while splashing a mirror and then twirling three times in an attempt to summon the city’s former...
‘Championship Parades Are for Losers,’ Says Mariners Fan Who Wakes to Wet World Series Dream Daily
Asked if he attended the raucous Seattle Sounders’ MLS Cup Championship Parade through Downtown Seattle Tuesday, longtime Seattle Mariners fan Jimmy Slater said no as emphatically as the Mariner fans screamed in the pouring...
