With baseball season over and hockey season underway, today local musician Macklemore was spotted lurking near Climate Pledge Arena just in case the Kraken needed a last-minute rally song.
“Wow, funny running into you here! Say, I was just in the neighborhood and thought you guys might be in the market for one of my world-famous rally songs,” said Macklemore, startling the Kraken’s team president after popping out from behind their car. “I did one for the Mariners a while back—it’s kinda my thing. I could whip one up real quick for you guys if you want? Check this concept: story of an underdog that no one believes in. We’ll call it: Hockey Balboa. No? Maybe, Pearl Slam? Or how about we lean into the ironic white rapper thing: Ice Ice Buoy. Alright, well you think on that, I’ll just be hanging out by the arena when you need me!”
Needling reporters spoke to the team, who said that Macklemore had been secretly infiltrating Climate Pledge Arena for weeks.
“Honestly, we don’t know how he keeps getting in. Yesterday he was in the concession stands making himself a hot dog,” said Doug Miller, head of security at Climate Pledge Arena. “We keep shooing him out, but the next day he’s back pitching another song. I respect the hustle, but we can’t have him popping out of the bathroom stall singing some song called ‘Zamboni Boyz’ while the team is using the urinals.”
Kraken team officials finally figured out how the rapper was getting into the arena after discovering that it was Macklemore in the Buoy costume this whole time.
“Climate Pledge Arena” photo by Kurt Schlosser (with alterations from The Needling) (CC BY 2.0)
