‘Valentine’s Day Is Just a Corporate Holiday,’ Says Man Shopping for Super Bowl Party
One of Seattle’s most free-thinking men generously enlightened Broadway QFC staff and customers alike today on the capitalistic evils of Valentine’s Day while picking up Cool Ranch Doritos and Pepsi for his annual Super...
Russell Wilson Stands Outside Pete Carroll’s House with Boombox Overhead
In a stirring moment of brave devotion and vulnerability, today former Seattle franchise quarterback Russell Wilson attempted to reconnect with Pete Carroll outside the Seahawks coach's Hunts Point home by raising up a boombox...
Epidemiologists Trace Origin of New COVID Subvariant Name ‘Kraken’ to Rabid Canucks Fan
After weeks of investigating the source of the new COVID subvariant name, Kraken, today epidemiologists at the University of Washington confirmed it definitely came from a Vancouver scientist who grew up with a Henrik...
Mariners Wear New All-Leather Uniforms to Edge Fans for One Last Day
The Mariners surprised the sold-out crowd at T-Mobile Park today with all-leather home alternate uniforms to better edge their fans’ playoff division series hopes for one last day in one of the longest playoff...
UW Quarterback Michael Penix Hasn’t Heard That One Before
After 22 years of living with the name Michael Penix Jr., the Husky star quarterback reported with delight at a pre-game press conference that he hasn’t heard that one before.
“Did you just come up...
Moose’s Paw Curls as Mariners Playoff Curse Passes to Sounders
After one local man’s wish for the Mariners’ two-decade playoff drought to end became officially realized Friday afternoon, the one and final cloven hoof on his cursed moose paw curled today and passed its...
Mariners Fans Still Skeptical They’ll Make Playoffs
After the Mariners triumphantly broke the longest playoff drought in men’s professional sports history Friday night, Seattle M’s fans confessed they’re still highly skeptical that they’ll make the playoffs this year.
“I mean, sure, I...
Seattle Still Choked with Smoke After Russell Wilson Attempts to Cook at Lumen Field
Just when the Puget Sound region thought they were going to be granted some respite from the Bolt Creek Fire, former Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson has further choked Seattle in smoke after attempting to...
Squatch Added to All-Star Zoo Doo Donor Line-up
Supersonics fans throughout the Seattle area rejoiced today upon hearing legendary basketball team mascot Squatch has been added to the Woodland Park Zoo’s prestigious All-Star Zoo Doo line-up this year.
“I’ve been practicing all year...
Ichiro Hits Own Ceremonial First Pitch for Leadoff Double
Mariners legend Ichiro Suzuki kicked off his own Hall of Fame Weekend with a bang today after he stunned the sold-out crowd by hitting his own ceremonial first pitch for a leadoff double.
“Well folks,...
