Just when the Puget Sound region thought they were going to be granted some respite from the Bolt Creek Fire, former Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson has further choked Seattle in smoke after attempting to cook at Lumen Field on Monday night.
“We’ve got a smoky situation in SODO right now after Wilson’s attempt to prepare a bountiful offensive feast to commemorate his return to Seattle has gone terribly wrong,” said local reporter Trey Durban. “Eyewitnesses reported that Wilson got a little rattled by the crowd noise, forgot to check the stove and proceeded to set his chances of a win on fire.”
Wilson’s tandem of wide receivers spent the first half sheepishly asking if they could help him cook, but the quarterback refused their help until the second half, insisting he had it under control. Russ finally accepted offensive help in the third quarter, with disastrous results.
“Sideline mics reportedly picked up the quarterback repeatedly mumbling ‘Broncos Country—Let’s Fry’ before handing the oven mitts over to his running backs,” said Durban. “Unfortunately for Russ, they both accidentally fumbled hot french fry grease at the one yard line and made the fire even worse.”
Onlookers reported that Russell Wilson wasn’t entirely to blame for the blaze, as Broncos head coach Nathaniel Hackett took the tongs out of his hands in the 4th quarter and wasted a couple minutes watching fire safety videos on YouTube before handing a fire extinguisher to their kicker, who was 64 feet away.
