Capitol Hill Dick’s to Compete Against New McDonald’s with Even Stickier, Hairier Ball Pit
After rumors that a McDonalds is opening just up the street in the old vacant Rite-Aid building on Broadway, today Dick’s announced it’s prepared...
Seattle Man Leaves Out Plate of Cheese for When St. Rat Comes Up Through Toilet Tonight
With barely contained excitement, one Seattle man left out a special plate of cheese and milk for when St. Rat comes up through his...
Gov. Ferguson Backs Millionaire Tax After Ghost of Christmas Future Shows Him Losing In 2028 If He Doesn’t
In a stunning 180, today Gov. Bob Ferguson announced his support for a state income tax on millionaires after the Ghost of Christmas Future...
Gates Foundation Researching Cure for Associating with Pedophile
Today the Gates Foundation announced it would make an unprecedented $9 billion investment in an ambitious set of global health research goals this year,...
Trump Announces Plans to Acquire Alaska
After a weekend invasion of Venezuela followed by threats to several other nations including Greenland again, today President Donald Trump announced his administration also...
New Children’s Book ‘Good Afternoon Moon’ Celebrates Seattle’s Painfully Early Sunsets
Good Afternoon Moon
In the tight one-bedroom
There was a West Elm couch
And an accent wall
And a picture of
A cow jumping over…something
It was Impressionism.
There were snacks...
Mayor Harrell Sweeps Wheedle Off the Needle
To remind his biggest supporters of what he does best a week before the Nov. 4 general election, today incumbent Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell...
Spoiled Mariners Fan Wanted AL Pennant Too
Sources are confirming that one local spoiled Mariners fan is upset the team is only going to be AL West Division Champions this year...
5 Fun Places to Go Apple Picking This Weekend Because ICE Scared Off All Their Farmworkers
There’s no better time to go pick apples at these five fun and picturesque orchards than this weekend because ICE raids have left no...
Wilson Already Endorsed for 2nd Term After Promising Death Will Come Swiftly to Her Enemies
Katie Wilson proudly announced Wednesday night that, in addition to officially being elected Seattle’s next mayor, she’s also already secured unanimous endorsements from local...
