Spoiled Mariners Fan Wanted AL Pennant Too
Sources are confirming that one local spoiled Mariners fan is upset the team is only going to be AL West Division Champions this year...
Witch Coven Disappointed No One Noticed They Opened a Portal to Hell in Bellevue
Today one local witch coven is confessing their disappointment that—after all the hard work they put into celebrating Halloween with everyone this year by...
Amazon Cuts Out Middle Man, Will Now Steal Your Packages Themselves
Today Amazon announced their commitment to offering a full-service shopping experience, which now includes stealing deliveries right off your porch themselves."Our business model has...
Puddle of Sunblock All That Remains of Seattleite Who Hit 80-Degree Melting Point
After taking what seemed an innocent stroll down the sunny Seattle waterfront, several witnesses say a puddle of sunblock is all that remains today...
North Bend Zebra Just Gonna Lie Low with Sasquatch Until This All Blows Over
After a stressful few days of being chased and mobbed by local paparazzi, today the North Bend Zebra is reportedly lying low in a...
Trump Announces Plans to Acquire Alaska
After a weekend invasion of Venezuela followed by threats to several other nations including Greenland again, today President Donald Trump announced his administration also...
Woodland Park Zoo Publicly Apologizes for Inviting Ozzy Osbourne to Perform at ZooTunes
Woodland Park Zoo has issued an apology today after heavy metal pioneer Ozzy Osbourne was caught trying to eat several bats housed in the...
Everybody Run: The Cat Learned How to Hold a Knife
One local family was sent running away in a frenzied panic Tuesday night after their cat ‘Mewcifer’ suddenly learned how to hold a knife...
Jimmy Kimmel Actually Still More Pissed Seattle Radio Station Fired Him Over Joke About Mariners Owner in 1990
As support poured in for Jimmy Kimmel after ABC indefinitely pulled his late-night show off-air, the comedian admitted in an exclusive interview with The...
Local Mushroom Hunter Mounts Giant Head of Lion’s Mane Over Fireplace
To ensure everyone entering his household from this day forth knows he is at the top of the food chain in these Pacific Northwest...
