A shocking new study conducted by a team of Seattleites who crossed the treacherous waters of Lake Washington by light rail over the weekend confirmed for the first time ever that Bellevue actually continues to exist outside of work hours.
“Up until now we thought Bellevue was a virtual dimension that only existed between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. so that people could make enough money at Microsoft, Facebook or some other soul-killing corporation to afford being and living anywhere else at all other times,” said Eastside expedition leader Tim Whitakker. “Contrary to our belief that the city then disappeared into the void until the next workday began, the city seems to also exist as its own municipality at all hours of the day with its own full-time residents and even a new, progressive city mayor who is actually quite hot.”
Researchers observing the city’s existence and culture outside of work hours took detailed notes of their daily customs and watering holes.
“Its people seem to like walking around a crop circle they call Bellevue Downtown Park, which also contains remnants of the spaceship that created it that the locals call Piloti,” Whitakker said. “There are also primitive signs of life late into the evening such as Cactus at Bellevue Square that stays open until 10 p.m. and Lucky Strike in The Bellevue Collection that stays open until 12 a.m. weekdays and a whopping 2 a.m. on Saturday—way more advanced evening hours than previously thought.”
Though lauded for their Bellevue discoveries, the research team is already being called crazy for planning to go even farther on their next Eastside expedition to see if any part of Redmond exists outside of the Microsoft campus.
