Socialist Mayor Reigns of Terror Continue with Yet Another Sports Championship Victory
Just four months after Mayor Katie Wilson kicked off her Socialist reign of terror over Seattle with a Seahawks Super Bowl win, today Mayor...
Study Finds Siren-Related Deaths Among Sailors Way Down
In more proof that crime rates aren’t as high as people make them seem sometimes, today a study confirmed that Siren-related deaths among sailors...
Socialist Exiled from D&D Group After Trying to Split Party Again
After eight months of gaming session, local socialist Alex Raymond is once again looking for a new Dungeons & Dragons group because his attempts...
Sun-drunk Seattleite Accidentally Says ‘Hello’ to Stranger
In an embarrassing lapse of character, today a Seattle man who clearly had one too many hours out in the sunshine accidentally said “hello”...
Zuckerberg Docks Annual Salary of 1,400 Laid-Off Meta Workers in Seattle
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg surprised Seattle Tuesday night when the billionaire unexpectedly docked a massive, five-story annual salary of 1,400 laid-off Meta workers in...
Tennessee Legislators Demand Genital Check of Starbucks Mermaid
Starbucks’ bumpy road to relocating much of its workforce to Nashville, Tenn. continued today after the state’s transphobic legislators demanded a genital check of...
‘You Didn’t See Shit,’ Local Says to California Tourist Witnessing Sunny Seattle Spring
As locals basked in sunshine utterly surrounded by greenery, flowers, sparkling waters, and unbeatable snow-capped mountain views almost too beautiful together to be true,...
New Study Shows Bellevue Exists Outside of Work Hours
A shocking new study conducted by a team of Seattleites who crossed the treacherous waters of Lake Washington by light rail over the weekend...
Rep. Pramila Jayapal Endorses both Seahawks and Patriots
After months of 99.9% of her constituents asking her to root for the Seahawks, Seattle Congresswoman Rep. Pramila Jayapal announced to the surprised delight...
JD Vance Busts Team USA’s Terrorist Plot to ‘Cut Up the ICE’
After cleverly stuffing himself in an Olympic hockey lockerroom locker before someone else did, today Vice President JD Vance aka Special Agent 1488 reportedly...
