In an embarrassing lapse of character, today a Seattle man who clearly had one too many hours out in the sunshine accidentally said “hello” to a complete stranger.
“Out of nowhere, completely unprompted, this guy looks at another guy walking past him and fully said ‘hello’ with a wave and everything—clearly sun-drunk out of his mind,” said witness Steve Smith, who spoke to us on the condition that we would never wave hello to him if we ever saw him somewhere again. “Understandably, the victim was in a complete state of shock and did their best to walk it off. The rest of us immediately evacuated the area just to make sure he didn’t start doing the same thing to us—good people who know better than spending more than a half-hour in the sunshine at a time, lest we run the risk of even saying hello to a transplant.”
Experts say such incidents tend to increase in summer months as more people tend to overestimate their tolerance for the high levels of Vitamin D and serotonin that come with too much sunlight exposure.
“If we’re being honest, almost all of us at one time or another have had so much sunshine at a summer barbeque or picnic we may have not only talked to a stranger but actually made a real new friend—no one’s perfectly anti-social no matter how much we intend to be,” said UW Sociologist Vera Beasely. “If you ever know you’re going to be outside in sunshine for more than an hour, it’s always best to make sure you have a designated homebody ready to make sure you come back inside before doing something even more regrettable like giving others direct eye contact.”
At press time, the man had reportedly also drunken in a sunset and embarrassingly commented on how beautiful it was to people he doesn’t even know like some psycho from anywhere but the Pacific Northwest.
