Mayor Harrell Sweeps Wheedle Off the Needle
To remind his biggest supporters of what he does best a week before the Nov. 4 general election, today incumbent Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell...
Spoiled Mariners Fan Wanted AL Pennant Too
Sources are confirming that one local spoiled Mariners fan is upset the team is only going to be AL West Division Champions this year...
5 Fun Places to Go Apple Picking This Weekend Because ICE Scared Off All Their Farmworkers
There’s no better time to go pick apples at these five fun and picturesque orchards than this weekend because ICE raids have left no...
Wilson Already Endorsed for 2nd Term After Promising Death Will Come Swiftly to Her Enemies
Katie Wilson proudly announced Wednesday night that, in addition to officially being elected Seattle’s next mayor, she’s also already secured unanimous endorsements from local...
Desperate Mayor Harrell Takes First Bus Ride to Appeal to Katie Wilson Supporters
In perhaps his greatest move of desperation for his mayoral campaign yet, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell boarded his first bus ride ever to...
CEO Orders Alderaan Starbucks Be Destroyed to Squash Red Cup Rebellion
As the Red Cup Rebellion continues to gain momentum across the galaxy, Brian “Darth” Niccol has reportedly ordered the Death Starbucks to destroy the...
Jimmy Kimmel Actually Still More Pissed Seattle Radio Station Fired Him Over Joke About Mariners Owner in 1990
As support poured in for Jimmy Kimmel after ABC indefinitely pulled his late-night show off-air, the comedian admitted in an exclusive interview with The...
Local Woman Feels Bad for Fallen Lime Scooter
One local woman was overcome with sorrow on her morning walk today after she encountered a lone, destitute Lime Scooter fallen on the sidewalk.
“I...
Waymo Trying to Get Through 5-Way Green Lake Stop Spontaneously Combusts
A Waymo’s pilot drive through Seattle came to an explosive end today after a half hour of trying to get through a five-way Green...
Flocks of White Women Seen Flying North As Pumpkin Spice Season Begins
Birdwatchers across the Pacific Northwest grabbed their binoculars and set their eyes on the skies in hopes of catching a glimpse of the migratory...
