Wilson Already Endorsed for 2nd Term After Promising Death Will Come Swiftly to Her Enemies
Katie Wilson proudly announced Wednesday night that, in addition to officially being elected Seattle’s next mayor, she’s also already secured unanimous endorsements from local...
Desperate Mayor Harrell Takes First Bus Ride to Appeal to Katie Wilson Supporters
In perhaps his greatest move of desperation for his mayoral campaign yet, today Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell boarded his first bus ride ever to...
CEO Orders Alderaan Starbucks Be Destroyed to Squash Red Cup Rebellion
As the Red Cup Rebellion continues to gain momentum across the galaxy, Brian “Darth” Niccol has reportedly ordered the Death Starbucks to destroy the...
Jimmy Kimmel Actually Still More Pissed Seattle Radio Station Fired Him Over Joke About Mariners Owner in 1990
As support poured in for Jimmy Kimmel after ABC indefinitely pulled his late-night show off-air, the comedian admitted in an exclusive interview with The...
Local Woman Feels Bad for Fallen Lime Scooter
One local woman was overcome with sorrow on her morning walk today after she encountered a lone, destitute Lime Scooter fallen on the sidewalk.
“I...
Waymo Trying to Get Through 5-Way Green Lake Stop Spontaneously Combusts
A Waymo’s pilot drive through Seattle came to an explosive end today after a half hour of trying to get through a five-way Green...
Flocks of White Women Seen Flying North As Pumpkin Spice Season Begins
Birdwatchers across the Pacific Northwest grabbed their binoculars and set their eyes on the skies in hopes of catching a glimpse of the migratory...
Microsoft Says It Only Enabling Israel’s War Crimes, Not Committing Them
After new reports of how closely the local tech giant works with Israel to surveil and kill thousands of Palestinian civilians, today CEO Satya...
Orcas Offer Food to Humans After Becoming Aware of the Horror That Is the Seattle Hot Dog
Marine mammal researchers at the University of Washington have determined the likely cause for orcas bringing food to boaters is a primal disgust and...
Pod of Orcas Ignored as Ferry Passengers Marvel at Rare Cargo Ship Entering Port of Seattle
Lucky ferry passengers, who were almost too distracted by a pod of orcas breaching in Elliott Bay to notice, caught a rare glimpse today...
