After a harrowing year of having no other safe space to gather, local upper middle class white men will once again finally have a place to discuss the issues plaguing their community with the opening of the annual Seattle Boat Show this weekend.
“It’s a rough world for guys like me, so I look forward to the Boat Show where I can get together with like-minded dudes and openly discuss serious issues like new innovations in marine electrical systems in a judgement-free space,” said boat show attendee, Brent Mills. “I don’t know why more people don’t have boats and, in safe spaces like this, I hope that with enough of each other’s support we’ll continue to never know.”
Boating and fishing educational seminars such as “Essential Boating Gear You Didn’t Know You Needed” and “Lingcod 101” will also be held throughout the week, guaranteed to spark open and honest conversations about their deepest boating fears and insecurities.
“Sometimes I think my boat is big enough, and sometimes I don’t – I really struggle with it,” said Don Sharpe, local white man and full-week ticket holder. “Here at the boat show, my community reminds me it’s not always about the size of the ship, it’s about the motion of the ocean and the pound of the Sound. That said, I do think we may be having a second sailboat affordability crisis in our community that I hope society takes more seriously sometime soon.”
At the time of publication, about 500 grown-ass white men had reportedly already sold out all spots for the popular seminar “Catching Fish for Social Media: the Catch, Gram, Release Method.”
