Rep. Pramila Jayapal Endorses both Seahawks and Patriots
After months of 99.9% of her constituents asking her to root for the Seahawks, Seattle Congresswoman Rep. Pramila Jayapal announced to the surprised delight...
JD Vance Busts Team USA’s Terrorist Plot to ‘Cut Up the ICE’
After cleverly stuffing himself in an Olympic hockey lockerroom locker before someone else did, today Vice President JD Vance aka Special Agent 1488 reportedly...
Ravenous Gum Wall Ensnares, Consumes 4th Child This Month
Concerns over the famed Pike Place Gum Wall have been renewed after recent reports indicate that the disgusting tourist attraction consumed its 4th child...
Capitol Hill Dick’s to Compete Against New McDonald’s with Even Stickier, Hairier Ball Pit
After rumors that a McDonalds is opening just up the street in the old vacant Rite-Aid building on Broadway, today Dick’s announced it’s prepared...
Seattle Man Leaves Out Plate of Cheese for When St. Rat Comes Up Through Toilet Tonight
With barely contained excitement, one Seattle man left out a special plate of cheese and milk for when St. Rat comes up through his...
Gov. Ferguson Backs Millionaire Tax After Ghost of Christmas Future Shows Him Losing In 2028 If He Doesn’t
In a stunning 180, today Gov. Bob Ferguson announced his support for a state income tax on millionaires after the Ghost of Christmas Future...
Gates Foundation Researching Cure for Associating with Pedophile
Today the Gates Foundation announced it would make an unprecedented $9 billion investment in an ambitious set of global health research goals this year,...
Trump Announces Plans to Acquire Alaska
After a weekend invasion of Venezuela followed by threats to several other nations including Greenland again, today President Donald Trump announced his administration also...
New Children’s Book ‘Good Afternoon Moon’ Celebrates Seattle’s Painfully Early Sunsets
Good Afternoon Moon
In the tight one-bedroom
There was a West Elm couch
And an accent wall
And a picture of
A cow jumping over…something
It was Impressionism.
There were snacks...
Mayor Harrell Sweeps Wheedle Off the Needle
To remind his biggest supporters of what he does best a week before the Nov. 4 general election, today incumbent Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell...
