A recent tidepooling study revealed today that local beach water has tested positive for Viagra.
“How did we know? Look, we just knew,” said NOAA scientist Dr. Sheila Bradford as she stood on a shoreline full of erect geoducks bursting out of the sand. “When even the Piddock clam siphons shift from from grower to shower, you know something’s up.”
NOAA said they aren’t sure how many other sea creatures are affected yet.
“For this particular issue, geoducks tend to be the canary in the sand trap if you will,” said Dr. Bradford. “Please don’t try and help them yourself—we’re handling it ourselves.”
Asked how they plan to reverse the effects of the Viagra on local shorelines, NOAA said it’s already in touch with whoever got all the sharks in the Bahamas to test positive for cocaine.
