Ai Weiwei’s view-dominating homage to animal heads just installed at Olympic Sculpture Park is controversial—for SOME people, anyway. But me? I totally get it.

In an age of instagrammable fluff masquerading as High Art, this is a piece that really SAYS something. “What does it say, exactly?” you might ask, craning your neck to see the landmark Calder sculpture (as my date did, when I took her there on a vigorous walk. It was a natural choice for me since I am both active and cultured). And that’s a great question, in an age where we tend not to think so deeply about Art anymore, much less about the questions themselves. Questions! Such an important part of being a thoughtful art consumer. Wow, really makes you think. Anyway, what was I saying?

Oh yes—this piece is REAL ART. It’s art with a MESSAGE. Ai Weiwei is a genius! Did you know he was exiled from his home country for speaking the truth? *I* knew that. Because like Ai, I’m a bit of a rebel myself! I’m a loose cannon, what can I say? I can’t help telling it like it is. And I’ll tell you what I think about this piece: It hits HARD. You can’t ignore what Ai is saying with this one.

What is he saying? I mean, just look at it! The animals! Those faces! You can’t look away. You can’t hide from the TRUTH of what this piece is telling you. I love the truth. I’m real as HELL. That’s what all my friends tell me. Denzel told me this just the other day on his boat, he said, you know you’re a real artist at heart, because you see things the way they ARE (yes, it might be the Denzel you’re thinking of, but ha, it’s just Denzel to me).

I can’t believe all these people at the park saying things like “it’s a bit disturbing” and “honestly? Kinda garish?” Garish—like what does that even mean? I’ll tell you what all that’s about: a lack of introspection. A lack of contact with one’s essential, artistic humanity. And maybe even? A lack of self-awareness. Yeah, I’ll say it. People are all about appearances these days. They care more about looking the part than being authentic.

Ah, what a shame, no one really GETS art these days. But hey, you and me, we’re deep and we really get it, don’t we?

Previous articleBlue Origin Lunar Lander Delivered to Wrong Moon
Next articleSeattle Resident Applies Rain-X Directly to Skin to Avoid Needing Umbrella