In a show of how much better they are than those awful people in Seattle’s Laurelhurst neighborhood, today Bainbridge Island added an “Everyone Is Welcome Here” sign to their 90-foot wall that keeps the poors out.
“Unlike some neighorhoods out there that won’t welcome all even if they’re severely ill or injured children, we welcome all as long as they’re not trying to find affordable housing here,” said Bainbridge Island resident Sandra Becky. “Behind our 90-foot wall that blocks all affordable housing developments here no matter how much state law mandates we finally let them in, everyone is equal no matter our race, gender or sexual orientation because we’re all equally rich.”
One Seattle mom said she was very moved by the sign despite having been turned away from Bainbridge Island at the 90-foot-wall socioeconomic status checkpoint for not having a high enough salary listed on their monthly paycheck stub.
“It sucks they wouldn’t allow me and my family to get much beyond the ferry dock, but it was worth it to take the ferry here just to see how welcoming Bainbridge Island wants to believe it is—absolutely adorable,” said Melissa Barnes as she pointed the sign out to her impressed children. “If I can ever afford more than a dinky, run-down apartment that still costs more than half my salary to rent, I know we would love to one day meet the amazing people beyond those tall walls.”
At press time, Bainbridge Island had added a small asterisk with fine print at the bottom of the sign clarifying that “everyone” still doesn’t include Palestinians at the Bainbridge Island Museum of Art.
