Mark Zuckerberg’s superyacht once again this week ignored a distress call from a nearby boat calling to report potentially permanent blindness of everyone aboard after seeing the Facebook founder in all his sunblock-slathered glory.
“We assumed they were only radioing us to tell us how amazed they are that both Zuck’s superyacht and dong are huge,” said Zuckerberg yacht Captain Lance Pricker. “We actually thought we were helping when we encouraged Zuck to get up from laying on the deck to skinny wakesurf closer to them because we know how hard it can be to see his impressive junk even with binoculars.”
Although it’s not always legally required, it’s generally common boater etiquette to respond to help nearby boats in distress whenever possible, especially when witnessing something as traumatizing as Mark Zuckerberg’s naked body.
“We were afraid no one was coming to save our souls and thought the torture may never end,” said vomit-covered boater Sam Nichols. “I don’t know how we would have ever gotten out of there if it hadn’t been for that giant cruise ship that finally blocked the view.”
To spare others from unwanted Zuckerberg sightings in the future, his superyacht crew promised that next time they receive a distress call from a nearby boat they will speed away with their 1,200 gallons of diesel fuel as fast as possible.
