Today Lime officially abandoned its ill-fated e-unicycle sharing pilot program in Seattle and will not be expanding to other cities, citing “more broken skulls and nutsacks than Harborview’s ever seen.”
“Unicycles are a fun, ecofriendly way to get around town as long as you always have a helmet with you, so we really just had no idea there would ever be some not-so-fun, not-so-cranium-friendly side-effects,” said Lime CEO Wayne Ting as he scribbled “horse sharing???” on a nearby sticky note. “Who could have anticipated so many men and teens would be too cool to ride these around without helmets? It’s not like we have a crystal ball. We’re at least happy to report this isn’t a problem at all with how people are using Lime scooters.”
City leaders had hoped the unicycles available to rent across the city would be an excellent way to improve transit options, core strength and clown juggling skills, but urged closure of the program after hearing testimony from Harborview nurses working on people injured by them.
“We all hoped for the best, but it turned out that people riding e-unicycles in the street alongside cars—usually without wearing helmets—is kind of a disaster,” said Councilmember Joy Hollingsworth. “I talked with bicycle advocates about expanding protected lanes so there are safer car-free paths for everyone, but they didn’t want e-unicycle people on their paths either.”
At press time, Lime had already launched a new e-pogo stick sharing pilot.
