All Bumbershoot attendees walked out of Seattle Center en masse today after an investigation confirmed the music festival was named after an old-timey term for an umbrella.
“If I had any idea Bumbershoot had such a crooked past, there’s no way I would have ever booked it,” said Ben Gibbard, frontman for Death Cab for Cutie as he cancelled their headlining festival performance. “If you feel like a tourist in the city you were born in or moved to, it’s time to go, and so we will. Wow, we look like giant idiots.”
The startling allegations came to light after what one concertgoer Sarah said when she wondered what the fuck a bumbershoot even was this morning, then Googled it.
“What I discovered in my minutes of research is that—despite Seattle’s supposed disdain for umbrellas—all along it’s actually been holding a whole annual Labor Day music festival named after one for the last 53 years,” said Sarah Miller. “I’d heard rumors this was true, but I thought everyone going to Rain Jacket was just making it up. Well, I hope it’s not too late to head over there and still catch Umbrella Kill.”
At press time, Bumbershoot organizers had just released a statement apologizing for naming the festival something so offensive and hoped everyone would be a lot less mad about the festival reverting to its first, original name, the Mayor’s Arts Festival.
