Tourist Tip: Pike Place Fishmongers Will Toss Your Kid if You Slip Them $50
The Needling is always here to highlight the best local tips for visitors spending a weekend in Seattle—this week’s tip: The fishmongers at the world famous Pike Place Market will also toss your kid...
Galentine’s Day Gathering Swells into Category 5 Brunch Bender
The worst fears of those monitoring the inevitable havoc of a local Galentine’s Day gathering were confirmed late this morning when it made landfall at Chelsea Gumbel’s Pinterest-inspired breakfast nook as a Category 5...
Liberated Woman Excited to Leave First Scathing Yelp Review in Months
Following several harrowing months of being deprived the capitalist comforts guaranteed to her by the United States Constitution, a newly liberated Kent woman has heroically returned to her essential work as a prolific, one-star...
Neighborhood Cats Rejoice as Bongos’ Giant Litter Box Opens for Spring
Green Lake-area cats have declared litter box season officially open after the beloved Caribbean restaurant Bongos Cafe opened its giant sand-covered patio for the warm spring weekend ahead.
“Suns up, tails up! All us cats...
Smokey Bear Authorized by NPS to Maul Noncompliant Campers
Underfunded, undermanned and facing the threat of another dire wildfire season in the midst of a global pandemic, a desperate U.S. National Park Service has officially authorized its beloved Smokey Bear mascot to maul...
Caffé Vita Relents; Employees Can Now Give Pastries To Homeless If Thrown Really Hard
In response to the firing of ten employees for the grotesque shame the company suffered when rogue baristas recklessly distributed old coffee and stale pastries to the city’s vulnerable homeless population, Caffé Vita announced...
Durkan’s Police Defunding Plans Just Very Realistic Cake
A week after Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan handed out copies of her police defunding proposal, skeptical activists finally dug into the documents today only to discover that, all along, they were actually just very...
PCC Markets to Host Gluten-Themed Haunted House
Local clean-eating co-op grocer PCC Community Markets just announced that tonight they’ll be transforming their markets into spooky haunted houses called “Frankenfood Manor.”
“Member-customers will start in the ‘Gluten Free Zone’ only to realize member-workers...
Salumi Deli Announces New Charcuterie Replacement Shakes for Gals on the Go
Legendary Seattle delicatessen Salumi has announced they are expanding their menu with a new line of convenient Charcuterie Replacement Shakes for gals on the go.
“Our refreshing Salami Sunrise shake contains four slices of salami,...
Waiter Resists Strangling Gluten-free, Dairy-free Pescetarian
Coworkers of Tilikum Place Cafe waiter Stephen Marlow celebrated a late dinner-rush win tonight when he managed to resist strangling yet another diner who eats a gluten-free, dairy-free pescetarian diet.
“I don’t know how he...
