47,215th Flyover Picture of Mount Rainier Confirms It’s Still There
Unsure of whether the 14,411-foot volcano looming over the Seattle metro area was still there, a team of about 108 Southwest coach passengers took flight this morning to confirm that it is still, in...
Dead Grandma Wishes Family Would Stop Making Her ‘Famous’ Jell-O Salad
Today local dead grandmother Mildred Freemore announced that, after 20 years of floating above the Thanksgiving table, she’s officially had it with her memory being defamed by everyone associating her with “grandma’s famous Jell-O...
Dog Waiting for Mealtime Didn’t Sign Up For This Daylight Savings Bullshit
After mealtimes started suddenly being withheld from dogs across the city for what some canines are calling an eternity this weekend, one local pup is calling out his owner and let him know he...
Witch’s Curse Dooms Man to Pick Wrong Line at Dick’s for Eternity
After callously cutting off a local witch and stealing her parking space at the Wallingford Dick’s, one man has reportedly been cursed to choose the longest, slowest moving line at the beloved Seattle institution...
Host at Buca Di Beppo Isn’t Actually Happy to Seat You Now
Tonight the host who has a table ready for your family to celebrate your grandma’s 79th birthday is reporting that, for the record, he’s as tired as the red carpet in this Westlake Buca...
Couple Celebrates 8th Straight Summer of Not Taking Ferry to Victoria
Tonight, a refrigerated bottle of fine Costco red wine is ready to celebrate Corey and Lisa Stottlemyre’s eighth consecutive summer of almost taking an adventurous-sounding voyage to Victoria, B.C., but then not.
“Every year I...
Dick’s HR Department Just Gives Up
After years of valiantly combating thousands of inadvertently spoken HR violations, the Dick’s Drive-In Human Resources team announced today that it just can’t do it anymore.
In addition to a backlog of inappropriate statement...
Starbucks Introduces New Pumpkin Spice HEPA Filters
Determined to pump just as many customers with pumpkin spice spirit as ever despite oppressive wildfire smoke and resurfacing pandemic conditions, Starbucks released a new line of Pumpkin Spice HEPA filters today.
“Instead of coming...
Hidden Speakeasy Entrance Actually Just Some Guy’s Kitchen Window
The hottest new speakeasy in town abruptly shut down today after it was revealed that patrons had mistaken his kitchen window for a hidden entrance and helped themselves to his home bar.
“I thought my...
Sunny Weather Packs Ballard Breweries with People Who Think They Recognize Each Other
The Ballard brewery district’s sunny beer patios are reportedly packed this week with scores of people squinting and basking in the glow of community they’re pretty sure they know from somewhere.
“I don't usually go...
