Several Fingers Severed at Boeing All-Hands Safety Meeting
During an ill-fated effort to improve its operations and earn back the public’s trust after Alaska Airlines said loose bolts were found in several of its 737 MAX 9s, today several fingers were unfortunately...
5 Safety Tips for Kayaking the Atmospheric River This Weekend
Planning to enjoy a scenic kayak down the atmospheric river this weekend? Make sure you heed our five top safety tips before heading out to row row row your boat gently down the tropical...
Brave Local Bearded Man Comes Out as Not a Big Fan of IPAs
After years of hiding a truth he feared would alienate himself from friends and family alike, brave local bearded man Martin Price has officially come out as "actually not a fan of IPAs at...
Orca Mafia Begins Charging Washington Ferries for Protection So No More ‘Accidents’ Happen to Rest of Fleet
As Washington State Ferries continues to deal with an aging fleet, vessel breakdowns and a lack of staff, local orca “entrepreneurs” have stepped in to offer protection to the remaining ferries to ensure no...
Alaska Airlines Rebrands to Psychedelic Skydiving Company
After a series of near-death experiences in recent months—including a pilot on shrooms trying to crash a plane and an entire chunk of the passenger cabin flying off mid-flight on Friday—today Alaska Airlines said...
Seattle Magazine Awarded as Top Source of Information on How to Get Away from Seattle
Today a venerated group of local Seattle tourism media influencers awarded Seattle Magazine the 2024 title for being the area’s top source of information on how the hell to get away from Seattle.
“When you...
Suspected Serial Killer Once Again Just Oregon Gas Attendant
A man suspected of stalking his victims at gas stations during road trips through the Beaver State with initially obviously no other intention but to kill was today revealed once again as just a...
Alaska Smooths Over Boeing MAX Blowout by Only Seating People Who Take Their Shoes Off During Flight Near Plug Doors
Following a dramatic incident in which a door flew off a Boeing 737 MAX during flight, Alaska Airlines reassured wary passengers today that they will take all necessary precautions to only seat people who...
Dog-Owning, Mountain-Climbing Brewmaster Realizes He Hates Dogs, Mountains, Beer
In a moment of inconvenient clarity atop Vesper Peak, one local man who has made his entire personality a combination of dogs, mountaineering, and brewing beer made the extremely unfortunate personal realization today that...
Starbucks Adds to Holiday Line with Savory Gravy Frappuccino
Building upon the popularity of its signature Pumpkin Spice Latte, this week Starbucks is hoping to permanently add to its holiday line of seasonal drinks another classic with its brand new Savory Gravy Frappuccino.
“The...
