Dog-Owning, Mountain-Climbing Brewmaster Realizes He Hates Dogs, Mountains, Beer
In a moment of inconvenient clarity atop Vesper Peak, one local man who has made his entire personality a combination of dogs, mountaineering, and brewing beer made the extremely unfortunate personal realization today that...
Starbucks Adds to Holiday Line with Savory Gravy Frappuccino
Building upon the popularity of its signature Pumpkin Spice Latte, this week Starbucks is hoping to permanently add to its holiday line of seasonal drinks another classic with its brand new Savory Gravy Frappuccino.
“The...
Local Mushroom Hunter Mounts Giant Head of Lion’s Mane Over Fireplace
To ensure everyone entering his household from this day forth knows he is at the top of the food chain in these Pacific Northwest forests, today a local mushroom hunter mounted the entire head...
47,215th Flyover Picture of Mount Rainier Confirms It’s Still There
Unsure of whether the 14,411-foot volcano looming over the Seattle metro area was still there, a team of about 108 Southwest coach passengers took flight this morning to confirm that it is still, in...
Dead Grandma Wishes Family Would Stop Making Her ‘Famous’ Jell-O Salad
Today local dead grandmother Mildred Freemore announced that, after 20 years of floating above the Thanksgiving table, she’s officially had it with her memory being defamed by everyone associating her with “grandma’s famous Jell-O...
First Person in History Exits Capitol Hill Station Exactly Where They Intended
After years of arduous exploration, today Seattle resident Nolan Rice became the first person in history to exit the Capitol Hill Light Rail Station exactly where they intended.
“This makes the European discovery of the...
Tired of Waiting for Dick’s, West Seattle Opens Muff’s
Finally fed up with Dick’s after it recently announced its next new drive-in fast food location would be in Everett, West Seattle proved it was done waiting for them to come to them by...
Dog Waiting for Mealtime Didn’t Sign Up For This Daylight Savings Bullshit
After mealtimes started suddenly being withheld from dogs across the city for what some canines are calling an eternity this weekend, one local pup is calling out his owner and let him know he...
Witch’s Curse Dooms Man to Pick Wrong Line at Dick’s for Eternity
After callously cutting off a local witch and stealing her parking space at the Wallingford Dick’s, one man has reportedly been cursed to choose the longest, slowest moving line at the beloved Seattle institution...
Host at Buca Di Beppo Isn’t Actually Happy to Seat You Now
Tonight the host who has a table ready for your family to celebrate your grandma’s 79th birthday is reporting that, for the record, he’s as tired as the red carpet in this Westlake Buca...
