Congress Rushes to Draft Emergency Legislation on Israel-Palestine War to Ban Macklemore
Afraid support for Israel’s relentless assaults on Palestine could further wane without taking quick action, Congress is reportedly rushing to draft bipartisan emergency legislation that would once and for all ban Macklemore.
“We banned TikTok...
Heartbreaking: Boeing Layoffs Hit Whistleblower Assassin Department
After a disastrous financial quarter that saw a $355 million loss, today Boeing announced that its latest round of cost-saving layoffs would affect hundreds in its whistleblower assassin department.
“When I got my pink slip...
Amazon Ends ‘Just Walk Out’ Shopping, Announces ‘Just Walk Out’ Layoffs
After Amazon announced last week that they are ending use of its “Just Walk Out” checkout-free shopping at its grocery stores, today the retail behemoth announced they were pivoting to use the technology to...
Boeing Stock Rebounds After Front Half of 737 MAX Lands Safely
After countless potentially deadly mechanical issues tanked the once stellar safety reputation of the nation’s only commercial airplane manufacturer, this morning Boeing stocks finally rebounded for the first time in months after the entire...
CDC Replaces At-Home Testing with Sneezing into Someone’s Face, Seeing If They Get Sick
After months of asking for a more updated and reliable way of testing whether they’re infected with the latest variant of Covid, this morning the CDC announced it was officially replacing at-home testing kits...
Boeing ‘Protecting Its Peace’ by Taking Little Break from Social Media
After the FAA posted a scathing report online today about Boeing’s corporate culture and its disastrous effect on the safety of its planes, the lambasted local plane manufacturer announced that it would be taking...
I Have a Black Friend and 5 Other Reasons What’s Happening in Palestine Isn’t Genocide
A lot of people have been saying what’s happening in Palestine, particularly Gaza, is undoubtedly a genocide. But there’s no way that’s possible, actually, because I have a black friend. Here are five other...
Local Ceasefire Advocates’ Empathy for Dying Children Waning as Russia, China Delay Payment for Supporting Palestine
With rent due in just a few days, local ceasefire advocates say their empathy is running thin for thousands of children dying in the most gruesome and heartbreaking ways imaginable right before their eyes...
‘And What Are You Gonna Do About It?’ Pelosi Tells Young Voters As She Orders FBI to Take Away Their Pokémon Cards
In a move many suspect may be an unproductive way to get President Joe Biden re-elected, today Rep. Nancy Pelosi ordered the FBI to confiscate every Millennial and Gen Z voters’ Pokémon card collections...
What It Means When Punxsutawney Phil Looks Stoned Out of His Mind
Most years, the future-predicting body language of the world’s favorite groundhog says something pretty straightforward every February 2: Are we gonna have six more weeks of winter or not?
It’s less clear what he’s communicating,...
