‘Ghost of Black Friday Past’ Tramples Man and Takes His TV To Remind Him of True Meaning of Holiday
Today one man received a strong reminder of the importance of holiday spending season after the Ghost of Black Friday Past trampled him and...
Drone Using AI to Target Nation’s Greatest Security Threat Blows Up White House
In a completely tragic accident, today a drone using AI to target and take down the nation’s greatest security threat has mistakenly blown up...
FDA Bans Unleaded Baby Formula
In a long-awaited win for followers of Robert F. Kennedy Jr., today the U.S. Health Secretary announced the FDA has officially banned unleaded baby...
‘Our Country Is Better Than This,’ Says Country That Has Never Been Better Than This
Today millions of citizens of a country that is not even close to being better than this and never has been talked about how...
Starbucks Wows Investors By Closing All Stores
Starbucks’ stock price jumped 35% today after the company unexpectedly closed every Starbucks location.
“Our ‘Back to Starbucks’ strategy was initially a ruse for closing...
Trump Declares Black Friday Is Indian and Always Has Been
In a bold move just in time for the holiday shopping season, today President-Elect Donald Trump announced that Black Friday has always been Indian,...
Joe Kent Resigns in Protest of Starting Wars Against Brown People Abroad Instead of at Home
Today former Washington Congressional candidate Joe Kent stepped down from his Trump-appointed counter-terrorism director position in opposition to the president’s war on brown people...
Trump Supporter Tests Positive for Deadly Democratic Hoax
After days of suffering a fever, cough and chest tightness
worrisome enough to warrant hospitalization, doctors have confirmed local Trump
supporter Craig Duncan, 45, has tested...
Uncommitted Delegates Announce They Want to Settle Down, Just Haven’t Met Right Candidate Yet
After being slandered for a week in the media for being nothing but a bunch of promiscuous political players who can’t commit to anyone,...
Desperate Republican Party Exhumes Ronald Reagan’s Body for RNC
With President Trump’s poll numbers lagging behind and desperation setting into the Republican party, his sons, Eric and Don Jr., have reportedly exhumed the...
