Trump Demands to Be Considered a Holocaust Survivor
Jealous of the attention they got all day Tuesday for Holocaust Remembrance Day, President Donald Trump is now reportedly demanding to be considered a...
Protester Bites Off ICE Agent’s Micropenis
After getting mad at ICE just because they publicly executed ICU nurse Alex Pretti in the street for recording them with his iPhone, DHS...
Democratic Leadership Threatens to Drop More F-Bombs
In their strongest stand against the violent federal invasion of Minneapolis this month, today top Democratic officials threatened to drop more F-bombs on ICE...
Diary Reveals MLK Also Had Second Dream Where He Had Jetpacks for Feet
A newly discovered diary shares that, in addition to having a dream his children wouldn’t be judged by the color of their skin, Dr....
Trump, Rubio Back Off Greenland After Learning Its Snow Not Kind You Snort
After threatening to do so all week, the Trump administration is reportedly backing off plans to invade Greenland next after learning its snow is...
Trump Announces Plans to Acquire Alaska
After a weekend invasion of Venezuela followed by threats to several other nations including Greenland again, today President Donald Trump announced his administration also...
Venezuela Bombs American Drug Yacht, Wiping Out Entire Sackler Family Cartel
Telling anyone who would listen “now this is how it’s fucking done,” today Venezuela bombed an American drug yacht near the Hamptons, killing all...
Epstein Files Forgotten After Trump Starts Wearing Glasses and Sweaters, Giving Shit About Melania
After a week of heightened speculation about what’s contained in the Epstein files, today President Donald Trump successfully disarmed everyone’s suspicions about his illegal...
‘End of SNAP Benefits Could Be Good for Business,’ Says Owner of Torch & Pitchfork Emporium
While most people are focusing on the negatives of starving poor people right before the holidays, some are saying ending SNAP food stamp benefits...
Starbucks Wows Investors By Closing All Stores
Starbucks’ stock price jumped 35% today after the company unexpectedly closed every Starbucks location.
“Our ‘Back to Starbucks’ strategy was initially a ruse for closing...
