Bellevue Hit-and-Run Narrowed Down to 800 Teslas
Today Bellevue detectives announced a break in last week’s unsolved hit-and-run case, which has now narrowed suspects down to the owners of only 800 possible Teslas.
“We knew it wasn’t a gray Tesla, so that...
Man Driving Ram Pickup Truck on I-90 Pulled Over for Failure to Tailgate
After putting countless cars on-edge wondering when the driver was finally going to almost rear-end them before speeding ahead rolling coal, local Ram pickup truck driver Alan Stephens was finally pulled over this afternoon...
Every Virginia Mason Employee Replaced by Nun Whose Only Job Is to Refuse Your Abortion
In an effort to streamline its services and operations, today Virginia Mason Medical Center announced it’s immediately and permanently replacing all its employees with nuns whose only job is to refuse your abortion.
“Sure, I...
Sara Nelson Assures Council Extra Jail Space for Illegal Drug Users Always Exists In Her Backyard Shroom Hallucinations
Faced with questions about how it’s even physically and financially possible to jail more people arrested for illegal drug use while the King County Jail is already bursting at the seams, Seattle City Councilmember...
Seattle Police Welcome Sleuthing Crime Chimp
In what is either a savvy public relations move or a desperate attempt to fill gaps in a woefully understaffed department, Seattle Police have appointed a specially-trained chimpanzee to the role of detective. “Detective...
Seattle Aquarium Touch Tide Pool Begs For Mercy
This May brings the 42nd anniversary of the
Seattle Aquarium on Pier 59 and, with it, touch tide pool dwellers begging for
sweet mercy.
Residents of the “Life on the Edge” community expect events for the anniversary...
Mercer Island’s Second Cougar Sighting This Week Alarms Residents
The second sighting this week of a cougar prowling this usually safe, residential enclave has Mercer Island families clutching their children and dolla, dolla bills a little tighter tonight.
A surprising first sighting took place...
Galentine’s Day Gathering Picked Off One ‘U Up?’ Text at a Time
A thriving Galentine’s Day gathering has gone awry this evening as
a volley of romantic ‘u up?’ texts have wooed away its attendees one by one.
“Kate, you get your hands off that phone and place...
Police: Our Vests Are Bulletproof, Not Plastic Bottle-Proof
In a desperate plea to Seattle’s elected officials today, Seattle Police Officers Guild President Mike Solan begged the city for more protection from protesters since their military-grade riot gear is only bullet-proof, not water-bottle...
Hipsters Return Tattered and Covered in Soot After Attempt to Gentrify Everett
A brigade of dazed and despondent white hipsters stumbled back into Seattle tonight after a reportedly harrowing failed attempt at gentrifying the northern Seattle metro area suburb of Everett.
“The Funko pops – have they...
