Highway 99 Disappointed It Never Got to 100
In an exclusive tell-all interview, Washington State Route 99 confessed to an overwhelming sense of self-defeat for never making it to 100. "For decades, I've been serving the West Coast with adequate access...
Free Ballard Declares Victory As SPD Retreats from Violent Threats of Lutefisk
Inspired by the Seattle Police Department’s retreat from what is now known as the autonomous zone of Free Capitol Hill, the more than century-old Free Ballard movement has declared victory itself tonight after violently...
Green Jacket Lady from Fox News Interview Already Leading in Polls for Seattle’s Next Mayoral Election
Green Jacket Lady from Fox News Interview surged in Seattle mayoral polls today, already taking a gigantic 25-point lead ahead of current Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell.
“A sensible green rain-jacket and mocking Fox reporters so...
Cool! New Half Mile of Bike Lane Funnels Cyclists Straight into Portal to Hell
The City of Seattle cemented its longtime reputation as a bike-friendly utopia this week with the addition of a half-mile of dedicated bike lane space that funnels eco-friendly cyclists straight to hell.
“Local bike enthusiasts...
Elf Escapes, Recounts Harrowing Time in Captivity at Tacoma Elf Storage
For years, “Tacoma Elf Storage” was thought to be a fun, holiday lark by the owners of Tacoma Self Storage, but after a daring escape tonight, Gumdrop the Elf tells another story about life...
Report: 87% of Boomer Scary Stories Start ‘Once Upon a 3rd and Pine’
As the countdown to Halloween continues, a new report revealed that 87% of Boomer scary stories reliably start with ‘Once Upon a Third and Pine’.
“And when Tiffany finally found parking, she was in for...
Local Tech CEO Promises Equal Pay, Equal Harassment
Today the CEO of local tech startup Bootstrappr announced they would be the first in the industry to ensure every single one of their employees, regardless of race or gender, receive both equal pay...
Toxic Avenger Starts New Job as Golden Gardens Lifeguard
In the wake of another 3-million-gallon untreated sewage spill affecting Seattle’s beach-front parks today, City and County officials say they’re officially giving up on spill prevention and have instead hired the Toxic Avenger as...
Gov. Inslee Opens Vaccine Eligibility to All Remaining Unvaccinated Motherfuckers Who Aren’t Motherfucking Vaccinated Yet
After opening to all other categories, today Governor Jay Inslee officially opened up Phase 9z vaccine eligibility for all unvaccinated motherfuckers who aren’t motherfucking vaccinated yet.
“Starting today, Washington state is opening vaccine appointments...
Fremont Solstice Partners with Peloton for Naked Exercise Bike Ride
Seattle’s famed Fremont Solstice Parade held this year’s naked, at-home bike ride in partnership with popular exercise bike company Peloton today, a move that left many past participants including its organizers wondering if the...
