Mayor Harrell to Extend Eviction Moratorium So Everyone Has Time to Move into Their Vacation Houses
After much anticipation over whether renters financially ravaged by the pandemic would suddenly be facing the end of Seattle’s eviction moratorium this weekend on Jan. 15, today new Seattle Mayor Bruce Harrell assured everyone...
Man on Bus Talks
Passengers on King County Metro Route 67 were visibly unsettled this afternoon when Ravenna resident Denton Huntley took a seat and immediately began talking to people.
Nearby passengers reportedly became even more engrossed in their...
Harrell Announces He’s Officially Received Enough Donations from Bellevue to Run for Mayor There Instead
After months of campaigning to be the next mayor of Seattle, Bruce Harrell announced today that he’s now officially received so many campaign contributions from Bellevue that he might as well run for mayor...
Ken Jennings’ Post-Jeopardy Rampage Claims Pub Quiz, Spelling Bee as Insatiable Lust for Knowledge Continues
Fresh off of winning Jeopardy’s Greatest of All Time Tournament in
dominant fashion, newly crowned champion Ken Jennings reportedly spent last night
rampaging through Seattle on a knowledge-boasting bender, siphoning pointless
questions from various trivia events across...
Beautiful Day to Work Outside Abruptly Ended by 1-Degree Temperature Change
A beautiful spring day to work outside while enjoying the full sun and peak cherry-tree blooms came to an abrupt halt this afternoon in Seattle when the temperature suddenly changed by an entire single...
City of Seattle Moves All Bus Stops to Queen Anne to Reduce Crime
After the 3rd and Pine bus stop closure single-handedly ended all signs of crime, drug addiction and homelessness in Downtown Seattle a month ago, the City of Seattle announced today it’s now ready to...
Landlords Now Requiring Dog’s Credit Score
Adding to the longer list of requirements renters must meet to secure housing in pricey and competitive rent markets like Seattle, local landlords are now requiring prospective tenants pay for credit checks on their...
Gov. Inslee Confirms Plans to Set Vaccine Eligibility-to-All Date but ‘New Phone is Being Weird’
As almost all states in the country announce dates that COVID-19 vaccines will be eligible to all before May 1, Gov. Jay Inslee promised Washington state today he has plans to set a similar...
‘Oooo, Someone’s Having a Campfire!’ Says Seattle Optimist
In a stunningly rare display of local optimism, one excited Seattle resident is wondering who is having a “cozy little campfire” tonight.
“Oh my gosh, I LOVE campfires—do you think it’s one of those cute...
“These People Drive Like Idiots,” Say 12,000 I-5 Drivers in Unison
In a display of universal synchronicity during today’s rush hour, a record 12,287 I-5 drivers collectively complained “you all drive like complete goddamn jagoffs” at the exact same time.
“First time driving, huh?” chuckled 12,287...
