Greedy Local Newspapers Finally Take Down Paywalls
In what some are calling a coronavirus-era miracle, the few poorly paid and overworked reporters who still remain in the local newspaper industry for...
City Council Grants SPD $500 Million Budget for Flaming Eye Atop Space Needle That Points Toward Suspected Crimes
The Seattle City Council approved a $500 million budget today that gives the Seattle Police Department a flaming eye atop the Space Needle that...
First-Time Voter Prematurely Casts Ballot Before Arriving at Box
With all the best intentions of creating more joy in the world, today one local first-time voter sheepishly admitted to prematurely casting his ballot...
Lost Woman Doesn’t Know How the Hell She Ended Up in Duvall
It was a harrowing day for Broadview native Blaire Colman, 26, after a misunderstood direction from her phone somehow fucking led her to the...
Local Homeowner Demands Veterans Day Recognition for Living in “Ballard War Zone”
Today local homeowner Terry Wilson made it clear that he demands proper recognition as an American veteran for his years of living through the...
PNW Thanks Hawaii for Handling ‘Volcano Eruption’ on 2020 Bingo Cards
Residents across the Pacific Northwest expressed relief today that Hawaii stepped up overnight to handle the inevitable 2020 Bingo call-out for the “volcano eruption”...
Bill Gates Confirms the Divorce is 100% Clippy’s Fault
With rumors swirling since the most high-profile billionaire couple in the world announced their split Monday, Bill Gates confirmed today that the implosion of...
Report: Mountain One Sexy Bitch
Bright sunshine inspired one local mountain to shrug off the
thick blankets of winter gray she’d been hiding in for months, standing in what
millions in...
Sheriff Falsely Accusing Black Man of Death Threats Just Had a ‘Vewy Bad Day’
After being caught falsely accusing an innocent black man delivering newspapers of death threats, law enforcement officials are saying Pierce County Sheriff Ed Troyer...
Family Trip to Wild Waves Rebranded as Mother’s Day Gift
Previously thought of as a semi-routine family outing, one local family surprised their beloved matriarch, Deborah Franek, today by rebranding this weekend’s planned trip...
