Under pressure to clarify its COVID-19 guidelines, the Centers for Disease Control this week announced an update to its recommended precautions: Masks are now optional, but glaring at all maskless passersby will still be required for the foreseeable future.
“We’ve found that while outside, the risk of transmission between vaccinated individuals is virtually zero, so masks aren’t necessary,” said CDC spokesperson Daniel Jernigan. “That being said, out of an abundance of caution, it’s still a good idea to give major side-eye to anybody who actually follows that advice.”
Many medical experts agree with the hateful glances recommended by the CDC, stressing that small actions—like washing your hands often and assuming everyone around you is an anti-vaxxer piece of shit—are as important now as at the height of the pandemic.
Seattleites seemed to take the new guidance in stride, with people all over the city ditching their masks and heading outside. In Capitol Hill, the streets overflowed with maskless folks enjoying the fresh air, sunshine, and sneering with disgust at their neighbors.
“Oh, the announcement makes me feel a lot better,” said Megan Frank, a Wallingford resident, removing her N-95 and trading scowls with a nearby family. “People have been so reckless lately, smiling at me like we aren’t still in a pandemic. They’ll make a big deal about it, but honestly, I don’t mind having to give nasty looks to every single person at Volunteer Park—it’s the new normal.”
King County Public Health shared the new CDC guidance on their Twitter account, chiming in, “Keep it up, Seattle! And remember: vaccinated or not, fuck you.”
