Judge Orders Everyone to Know This Piece of Shit from Covington, Not Seattle
This week a Seattle judge who ordered the man that threw a rock at an endangered monk seal return to Hawaii for court also...
Supreme Court Votes 6-3 to Officially Change Market Name to Pike’s Place
People all over Seattle today were horrified to discover that, hidden amongst last week’s unpopular Supreme Court decisions, was a 6-3 vote that has...
Laurelhurst Generously Agrees to Let Sick Children Live
After two weeks of deliberation, today the esteemed Laurelhurst Community Council generously agreed to let sick and severely injured airlifted children live instead of...
Seattle Concludes Month of Pretending It Ever Wanted to Take Train to Bellevue
A month after Sound Transit finally opened its much-anticipated Crosslake Connection light rail stations, this week Seattle residents formally concluded their impressive, four-week run...
Mercer Island’s Second Cougar Sighting This Week Alarms Residents
The second sighting this week of a cougar prowling this usually safe, residential enclave has Mercer Island families clutching their children and dolla, dolla...
Fife Unveils New Slogan: ‘Last Chance To Pee Before Tacoma Dome Traffic’
Fife unveiled their brand-new tourism campaign today after a savvy young city official stumbled upon a revolutionary new slogan, Fife: Last Chance To Pee...
Doctor Called After University Bridge Stuck in Upright Position for Over 4 Hours
After getting stuck painfully throbbing up in the air for four straight hours today, the Seattle Department of Transportation admitted they had to call...
New Study Shows Bellevue Exists Outside of Work Hours
A shocking new study conducted by a team of Seattleites who crossed the treacherous waters of Lake Washington by light rail over the weekend...
State to Offer Free Clinics to Help Oligarchs Navigate New Millionaire Tax
Panicking about how they’ll ever manage to make ends meet once Washington’s Millionaire Tax goes into effect, several local oligarchs were happy to learn...
Millionaire Tax Already Working
Billionaire, former Starbucks CEO, and man who sold the Seattle SuperSonics to Oklahoma City Howard Schultz announced this week he’s moved to Miami, proving...
