Spike in Gray Whale Deaths Attributed to Lack of Police in Ocean
As scientists continue to investigate why gray whale deaths have spiked up and down the Pacific coast this year, local law enforcement officials confirmed...
Despite Striking Resemblance, Green Lake Confirms No Relation to D.C. Reflecting Pool
After people all over the city couldn’t resist asking once noticing their remarkable resemblance, today Seattle’s Green Lake confirmed there is no relation between...
Fuck! Starbucks Agrees to All Union Demands and Now We Have to Drink Their Coffee Again
In supposedly fortunate news after years of union-busting, Starbucks suddenly made a 180 and agreed to all of Starbucks Workers United’s union demands, forcing...
Bellevue Homeowners Say Light Rail Noise on I-90 Ruining Area’s Peaceful Freeway Ambience
A group of Bellevue homeowners are telling Sound Transit that the low hum of the new light rail line across Lake Washington has completely...
Mount Baker Station Celebrates Opening of New Park & Ride to Psychiatrist
After years of having absolutely no parking, today Sound Transit’s Mount Baker Station celebrated the opening of its new one-of-a-kind one-stall Park and Ride...
Sun-drunk Seattleite Accidentally Says ‘Hello’ to Stranger
In an embarrassing lapse of character, today a Seattle man who clearly had one too many hours out in the sunshine accidentally said “hello”...
Zuckerberg Docks Annual Salary of 1,400 Laid-Off Meta Workers in Seattle
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg surprised Seattle Tuesday night when the billionaire unexpectedly docked a massive, five-story annual salary of 1,400 laid-off Meta workers in...
Millionaires Tax Erases Only Advantage of Living in Sad, Barren Wasteland
Today the area’s richest residents and corporations came together on the Seattle Waterfront to announce that the Millionaires Tax—which would make a small fraction...
New Public Bathroom Startup Innovatively Pays People to Regularly Clean, Maintain Them
The City of Seattle has finally opened four new portable public bathroom units in Pioneer Square operated by a startup company that keeps the...
Judge Orders Everyone to Know This Piece of Shit from Covington, Not Seattle
This week a Seattle judge who ordered the man that threw a rock at an endangered monk seal return to Hawaii for court also...
