City Officials Remind Residents Find It, Fix It App Not Intended to Be Used on City Councilmembers
Citing five crashes of the popular Find It, Fix It app since five new City Council members were sworn in and Sara Nelson was made Council President yesterday, city website administrators are reminding residents...
Look of Disappointment in Father’s Eyes is Gift Enough, Says Bellevue High Goth
After weeks of struggling to figure out what his son really wants for Christmas, Bellevue High School goth Brennan Kowalski assured his father that the look of disappointment he gives every time his son...
Mt. Rainier Suffers Seasonal Affective Disorder, Will Winter in Tucson
Saying 500,000 years is long enough, Mt. Rainier announced today it’s relocating to the desert Southwest gem of Tucson, Ariz. for the winter.
“I deserve to be happy,” said the mountain during an impassioned...
Sound Transit Board Announces Projected Date for Appointing New CEO Is 2045
Following the unexpected and early resignation of Sound Transit CEO Julie Timm on Tuesday, this morning the Sound Transit Board announced the projected date for appointing her replacement is 2045.
"It'll take us between six...
‘Wow, It’s Getting Late in the Year,’ Say Seattleites Hoping Sun Will Finally Take a Fucking Hint
After agreeing they had a lovely time together, today people all over Seattle are talking about how close we’re getting to winter in hopes the sun will finally take a fucking hint and get...
Seattle Voters Already Disappointed by City Council They Just Elected
Moments after the Seattle City Council race was certified today, a collective groan could be heard throughout the Emerald City.
“When I voted for Joy Hollingsworth, I was super excited about what she planned to...
Mayor Harrell Follows Shotspotter Ask with Shitspotter Technology to Detect Dog Poop Anywhere in City
As the Seattle City Council's budget committee debated whether to approve funding for Shotspotter’s controversial and reportedly ineffective gunshot detection technology, today Mayor Bruce Harrell announced his intention to also ask for the funding...
Local Homeowner Demands Veterans Day Recognition for Living in “Ballard War Zone”
Today local homeowner Terry Wilson made it clear that he demands proper recognition as an American veteran for his years of living through the notorious war zone that is Seattle’s Ballard neighborhood.
“You have no...
Election Officials Add Ballot Drop on Mailbox Peak for Voters Who Really Want to Show Off
Ballot return rates spiked this week after King County Election officials recently added a new ballot drop-box to the top of Mailbox Peak for voters who really want to show off their civic prowess.
“At...
Blood-soaked Mansion with Loose Murderer Inside Still Going for $900k on Zillow
Despite home prices reportedly going down after a housing market surge in which many million-dollar homes were bought with cash offers, one blood-soaked Seattle mansion with a loose, active murderer running around inside—rusty chainsaw...
